ANTIBACTERIAL POPE

Powerful Chapbook

2012-01-30T23:09:00.000-05:00

THE MILL by Mark West (2011 Greyhart Press / 39 pp / eBook cb)

West's chapbook deals with a group of people who meet to counsel each other over the recent loss of a loved one. When Michael's wife Nicola succumbs to breast cancer, he begins having strange dreams that a counselor had warned him about. He soon disdovers that Saskia (another recent widow) has been having similar dreams about a local place where an old mill once stood.

THE MILL is a depressing yet eerie ghost story featuring some sharp writing and a dark yet comforting ending. Fans of Gary A. Braunbeck will eat this up.

Gangs, Monsters, and Robots!

2012-01-28T20:42:00.001-05:00

THE CRUD MASTERS by Justin Grimbol (2011 Eraserhead Press / 81 pp / tp)

Eraserhead Press continues their 'New Author Bizarro Series' with this ode to gang novels and giant monster movies.

Boogers is a member of the Crud Masters, a group of outcasts who live on Shelter Island. Among their colorful members are Snuggles (a beefy guy who likes to hug people) and Pussy Bear, a rich woman who spent all her money to make herself look like a bear. With boobs.

Shelter Island also has a heavy army presence: it seems giant sea monsters (called Dagoons) keep coming ashore and causing trouble, the military doing what they can to control them. Rival gang 'NOLA' (comprised of the island's rich kids) becomes unstoppable when one of their members reveals his van can turn into 'Swagatron,' a giant robot. The Crud Masters plan a way to compete, and manage to trap and train one of the Dagoons, leading to a showdown between robot and monster.

With cyborg threesomes, rampaging monsters, animal attacks, and plenty of laughs, THE CRUD MASTERS is a wickedly fun novella, featuring simplistic prose that reads like a YA author on crack.

This Succubus Means BUSINESS!

2012-01-26T17:47:00.002-05:00

PLEASE DON'T GO by Eric Dimbleby (2011 Pill Hill Press / 277 pp / tp)

Zephyr is a young grocery store clerk, dealing with the typical ups and downs of college life. He's also planning on proposing to his girlfriend Jackie, both of them English majors. One day he is assigned to deliver groceries to an old man who lives in an isolated house. Charles Rattup turns out to be a writer who was once published in a classic anthology, quickly earning Zephyr's respect. Charlie invites him to come back again, and the two develop a friendship built around literature and movies.

But Charlie begins to act strange, talking to an unseen presence, causing Zephyr to doubt the man's sanity. But by the time he finds out Charlie isn't crazy, it's too late for Zephyr, as he is now held hostage by a sexually-charged entity that may or may not be the legendary Lilith, a demon common to many culture's folklore.

PLEASE DON'T GO is a clever take on ghosts, possession, and succubbi. Dimbleby gives this one a truly unique flavor, along with a cast you'll care about and plenty of scenes filled with tension and dread. The spirit controling Zephyr's life is as cunning as it is evil, slick as it is violent. I was reminded of the film THE ENTITY only with a more brutal demon at play, as the torture she puts Zephyr through will get anyone's skin crawling.

This study of a man's desire to survive in the face of total hopelessness is also a genuine genre spook-fest, delivering the goods and concluding with a bit of a twist (and increasingly dreadful) finale. Great stuff.

Flawed but Fun

2012-01-20T19:24:00.002-05:00

DEVIL BAT DIARY by Peter H. Brothers (2011 / 221 pp / tp)

This mock journal tells the "true" story of what happened in a small American town during the summer of 1939. The 1940 Bela Lugosi film THE DEVIL BAT was a watered-down version of these events, giving this book a "found footage" type of feel.

Chicago newspaper reporter Johnny Layton is sent to the small town of Heathville to get the scoop on the death of Ray Heath, an heir to a multi-million dollar cosmetics company. Johnny is partnered with ace photographer "One Shot" McGuire, a "big-mouthed weasel" who Johnny can't stand.

It turns out someone is trying to kill off the Heath and Morton families with large killer bats. The two clans are co-owners of the company, and Johnny Layton eventually discovers the bats attack those who wear a particular new brand of the companies' skin lotion.

Lugosi's character from the film, Mr. Carruthers, is here portrayed in a similar fashion, but some revelations on the "real" nature of other DEVIL BAT characters are quite funny.

DEVIL BAT DIARY is interesting for fans of the classic Lugosi film, but those not familiar with the source material might be put off by some of the goofy-sounding dialogue and an abundance of distracting slang (McGuire, Carruthers, and a local sheriff speak in heavy accents which the author spells out phonetically, which at times makes the prose a chore to sift through).

Flawed, but fun stuff for fans of classic monster movie fiction.

Now THESE are some Hot Lips...

2012-01-19T18:24:00.000-05:00

DESIREE by Ken Goldman (2010 Damnation Books / 101 pp / tp and eBook)

Beautiful Desiree has an odd problem: whenever she kisses someone, they become infatuated with her and eventually commit suicide. Her first victim is a young boy named Tommy who killed himself shortly after kissing her during a game of spin the bottle at a party. Tommy's sister, Tamara, keeps her eye on Desiree over the years, discovering other men have met the same fate as her brother.

Goldman's novella bounces around time-wise and can easily be read in one sitting. Although the author never clearly explains exactly WHY Desiree's mother's breast milk has given her this strange ability, it gives the story a nice mystery as we're never sure if Desiree is completely aware of what she's doing. And despite the nifty ending, I found myself confused on a few occassions, but not to the point I was lost.

DESIREE is an interesting erotic thriller with a latent supernatural leaning that's definitely worth a look.

Bizarro From Across the pond

2012-01-15T22:41:00.001-05:00

A HOLLOW CUBE IS A LONELY SPACE by S.D. Foster (2011 Eraserhead Press / 91 pp / tp)

Yet another offering from Eraserhead's 'New Bizarro Author Series,' this time introducing the world to UK writer S.D. Foster with 23 short-short stories, most having a fairy tale feel.

Among my favorites are 'Matilda Goes Shopping,' about a robe-wearing woman who takes care of her obese brother. Her life is drastically changed when she's raped by a supermarket (yes...a supermarket); 'Slothra,' the sad tale of a has-been Kaiju star; 'Silk Flower,' a bizarro take on Pinocchio with an oddly touching conclusion, and finally, 'A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Chip,' where we meet a singing primate who learns he can't pay the rent in bananas.

While a couple of stories are truly head-scratching, most of A HOLLOW CUBE is accessible without sacrificing the bizarro element.

A decent and imaginative first collection. I'd like to see a novella or novel from Foster.

An Engrossing Mob Story

2012-01-14T17:23:00.001-05:00

SKIN GAMES by Adam Pepper (2011 / 190 pp / eBook)

After a couple of thugs burn her families' restaurant to the ground and kill two co-workers, Maria seeks revenge. She locates a mysterious man known as "Skin" but needs to be assured he's the right man for the job. Skin then tells Maria his life story, which takes up the majority of this engrossing mob tale from Adam Pepper.

Skin's real name is Sean 'Shamrock' O'Donnell, the son of a tough Irish father and an Italian mother. When his father leaves them, Sean becomes the man of the house and does whatever's necessary to help support his mother. The rough streets of the Bronx lead him to a life of crime, eventually getting him involved with the local gangsters.

Trouble starts at a mob party when bull-headed Sean becomes infatuated with Nicole, who happens to be the daughter of head crime boss Mario. They begin dating and quickly fall head-over-heels in love. Mario begins to send Sean out on set-up missions, hoping Sean will get the message to leave his daughter alone or be eliminated. But Sean proves too tough for his schemes.

SKIN GAMES is a study of friendship, love, and the power of true self-resolve. Pepper's realistic first-person narrative makes this a compulsive page-turner full of gritty-violence, seedy characters, and a satisfying conclusion that will leave you thirsting for more.

Similar to GOODFELLAS yet with its own voice, SKIN GAMES is a fine example of a self-published novel that's on par (or better) than anything in the crime/thriller genre coming from big house publishers. Mob fans DO NOT want to miss this.

After 7 Years, MAYHEM Returns

2012-01-12T19:14:00.000-05:00

LOST HOMICIDAL MANIAC (ANSWERS TO "SHIRLEY") by Jeff Strand (2011 / 175 pp / eBook)

The long-awaited 4th novel in Strand's Andrew Mayhem series finds Mayhem and his wife receiving news that they're about to become parents for the third time...only with triplets! His partner Roger is finally thinking of proposing to his girlfriend on the day the bumbling duo open their own business, 'A/R Tasks & Investigations.' That's right folks: Andrew and Roger have now gone legit in the attempt to officially try to help people who need their unusual problems solved.

The first day in the new office is slow, so the boys reluctantly take on an unrelated odd job to get the cash flow started. Tired, and just before they close for the day, a woman comes in seeking their help. She claims that she might be a serial killer, and convinces Andrew and Roger to take her case. They follow her to an abandoned house where she thinks--in her blacked-out states--she has killed people and buried their body parts. Not wanting to run away if she snaps, she also convinces Andrew to handcuff himself to her as Roger begins digging under the floor boards.

From this point, it doesn't take long for the mayhem to get going.. LOST HOMICIDAL MANIAC then goes into a relentless, slapstick pace full of goons, killers, over-the-top violence, Strand's trademark sarcasm, and plenty of laughs. One scene involving an old woman, a car chase, and hundreds of bullets had me in stitches (anyone who has read a Strand novel knows he has a way of making you laugh at the sickest, most insane things imaginable). There's also a cameo that hardcore Mayhem fans will get a real kick out of.

Fans of the series will love seeing the boys back in action, as well as an old foe return for revenge. Here's hoping we don't have to wait seven more years until the fifth adventure...

My Favorite Albums/Songs of 2011...

2012-01-10T00:56:00.001-05:00

My four favorite albums of 2011 were GARY NUMAN's latest (of course), 'Dead Son Rising,' which continued with his modern hybrid of goth-metal synth-driven rock, including two great singles ('The Fall' and 'Big Noise Transmission'). There's a couple of forgettable tracks but overall a very well done release.

MASTODON's latest CD 'The Hunter' is as heavy and technically dizzying as anything they've done before, but with a new producer on board there's a fresh feel (mainly due to the vocals this time) on tracks such as 'Blasteroid,' 'Octopus has no Friends,' and 'All the Heavy Lifting.' Drummers take note: Mastodon's Brann Dailor is basically thrash metal's answer to Neil Peart. Amazing stuff here.

MICHAEL MONROE's 'Sensory Overdrive,' a non-stop barrage of hard rock/punk type short blasts of pure energy, featuring the killer tracks '78,' 'All You Need,' and 'Got Blood?' I caught Monroe's band twice in 2011 here in NYC and they're one of the most exciting live acts out there. Much heavier and just BETTER than most of what he did with HANOI ROCKS...check it out.

KRISTEEN YOUNG also released yet another amazing ep, this time featuring lyrics told from the viewpoint of characters from her favorite classic films. The title track, 'Now I'm Invisible,' and 'Imitation of Life' display her originality, diversity and skill as both a vocalist and keyboardist. 'Imitation of Life' turned out to be my favorite song of 2011...check it out below---CRANK up your speakers and enjoy. The lyrics in the 2nd verse are amazing.

NOT so Easy Riders

2012-01-09T22:29:00.000-05:00

CARNAGE ROAD by Gregory Lamberson (to be released April 3, 2012 by Print is Dead / 86 pp / tp and eBook)

Every time I say I’m tired of zombie stories, I seem to read one that proves the subgenre is simply here to stay. CARNAGE ROAD is a fine example of why: part EASY RIDER, part DAWN OF THE DEAD, this quick novella features two biker buddies, Boone and Walker, who decide to take a cross-country trek when the rest of their gang, the Floating Dragons, abandon their Buffalo, NY compound when a gang of rogue cops kill half their members. Boone always wanted to see Hollywood, and convinces Walker to go with him—Walker had recommended trying Canada, but the cold weather didn’t appeal to Boone.

The story wastes NO time getting to the undead action. Along the way our anti-heroes encounter both sane and insane religious zealots, manage to take in a movie at an abandoned Indiana theater, are arrested in Kansas by racist political extremists, all the while battling hordes of cannibalistic cadavers and burning rubber on their hogs. The boys also come across the most imaginative group of zombies I’ve read in some time at the foot of a twelve-story building. When they finally reach Hollywood there’s a hysterical scene where undead celebrities are spotted. When they realizing there’s just too many zombies around, they decide to head to Texas, where they join a group of survivors at the Alamo.

CARNAGE ROAD may be brief but it’s packed to the gills with brain-splattering zombie goodness, social commentary, a bleak apocalyptic ending, and good old-fashioned b-movie-style fun. Zombie fans will love it.

The Devil Inside...

2012-01-08T23:33:00.000-05:00

This week I guest review with L.L. Soares over at CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT, where we discuss the new possession film THE DEVIL INSIDE, including its controversial ending that has been pissing a LOT of people off. Be warned of heavy spoilers...

CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT: The Devil Inside review

A Classic Well Worth Revisiting

2012-01-06T22:25:00.000-05:00

GHOST STORY by Peter Straub (1979 Simon & Schuster / 2011 edition by CM & G, Inc / 483 pp / hc)

While at its core it could be considered a revenge story, Peter Straub’s 1979 classic GHOST STORY is so much more. From its mysterious road trip opening to stories told by the old men of the Chowder Society, Straub sets up an incredibly atmospheric tale set in Upstate New York.

Fifty years after a group of men accidentally kill a woman named Eva Galli, they meet to tell ghost stories as the well dressed, whiskey-sipping “Chowder Society,” but never mention Eva. They begin to have spooky, prophetic dreams, and when one of them dies at a party given in honor of an actress, the novel begins its slow but tension-filled climb into surreal terror that—in time—will haunt you like few other novels can.

The story is given even more depth when author Don Wanderely comes into play in the second section. His recollection of meeting a strange woman named Alma Mobley during his college years and what transpires between them and his brother David will hold you transfixed, and when Don becomes a part of the Chowder Society, the mysteries of GHOST STORY begin to reveal themselves at a slow but gripping pace. Straub staples such as supernatural doorways and personal destinies (used in later novels such as IN THE NIGHT ROOM and A DARK MATTER) are premiered here, and I was happy to be reminded that they’re used uniquely in each novel.

I first read GHOST STORY in 1982 when I was a freshman in high school, and having just revisited it after all these years I can say without a doubt it is one of the finest horror novels ever written. Straub comes back to his odd opening during the final pages, seamlessly tying everything together yet keeping an air of mystery that works as a prime lesson for anyone studying the craft of writing. With its lush characters and ever-present sense of impending doom, this is one ride every horror fan should make a point to take at least once.

I’m sure I’ll be going for my third…

Why My 2011 ROCKED...

2012-01-02T15:24:00.000-05:00

Despite the loss of my ultra-cool mother-in-law and continuing to have to work underneath a culture-less drug addict at my day job, 2011 was a GREAT year for me. Here's my list of just WHY 2011 was so cool:

For the first time since losing the pooch of my childhood back in 1984, I FINALLY became the owner of a cute mini-dachshund we named HERSCHELL (yes, after infamous horror film director Herschell Gordon Lewis!). Can't believe how much I missed being a dog owner.

~~~

In September, I got to meet director John Waters at the Horrorfind Convention in Gettysburg, PA. I've been a fan since seeing PINK FLAMINGOS when I was 16 years old on VHS! (I was also on the BIZARRO panel and did a reading with the hysterical James Roy Daley).

~~~

I FINALLY got to see two films from H.G. Lewis on the big screen: one of my all time favorites, BLOOD FEAST (1963), played at the Anthology Archives as part of a Lewis retrospect, and THE WIZARD OF GORE (1970) was featured at the Museum of the Moving Image as part of their "Magicians on Film" series.

~~~

Since 1981, I've been RAVING over Romano Scavolini's gross (and grossly under-seen) slasher film NIGHTMARE. It FINALLY came to DVD thanks to the folks at CODEREDDVD. PLUS: I represented the film in Dark Scribe Press' HUGE tome on slasher films, BUTCHER KNIVES AND BODY COUNTS (see pic below). Both the film and the book were released over the summer.

Order a copy here!: BUTCHER KNIVES & BODY COUNTS

~~~

My good friend Sheri treated me to my first ECHO AND THE BUNNYMEN concert, a band who I always meant to see but for whatever reason never got around to it. They played their first two albums in their entirety, then did a set of mixed classics. They're one of the few bands who don't need a stage show or any kind of stage antics to give a GREAT live performance...the music does all the talking. 'Loved it.

~~~

Not only did Alexandro Jodorowsky's amazing SANTA SANGRE finally come to DVD, but I attended a cool screening of the film in January. Severin's DVD features loads of nice extras, and the blu-ray edition looks and sounds incredible.

~~~

2011 was THE year I think I saw more films I had always wanted to but never had the chance, and FINALLY getting to see Takashi Miike's ICHI THE KILLER on the HUGE screen at Lincoln Center's Walter Reade theater was an amazing experience.

~~~

Likewise, Sam Fuller's once banned WHITE DOG screened at midnight at the IFC CENTER, and while I found it a bit disappointing, it turned out to be an ANTI-RACIST film, despite what early reviewers may have thought. Was nice to see this after reading about it a zillion years ago in an early issue of FANGORIA.

~~~

My writing went well, as I also sold a novella, THE APOCALYPSE OF PETER, to Damnation Books (to be released June 2012) and also sold a Lovecraftian tale to a forthcoming anthology. I was invited to write for 3 other anthologies, and so far I have one confirmed sale (which I can't announce yet) and 2 others still waiting in the wings. I'm also in the middle of writing my third novel, another novella, and am about 22 chapters into a novel titled THE HOUSE OF EXORCISM which I'm writing with my good friend L.L. Soares. My SUBURBAN GRINDHOUSE MEMORIES column over at the CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT site passed its 40th installment...

~~~

I was also part of one of the COOLEST graduating high school classes back in 1986 (New Dorp High School in Staten Island, NY), and we celebrated with a 25th anniversary that was a lot of fun.

MOST amazingly, on 11/9/11, my wife Maria and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. We're both still trying to figure out how this has happened...

Here's hoping a GREAT 2012 for all those reading this blog!

My Reads for 2011

2012-01-01T20:23:00.001-05:00

And we have an ALL TIME RECORD of 93 books read this year...in 2012 I am planning to take it easy and get some more writing done. My top ten are highlighted in red.

1) BAD MAGIC by Steven Shrewsberry and Nate Southard
2) DEAD EARTH: THE VENGEANCE ROAD by Mark Justice and David T. Wilbanks
3) DARK STARS RISING by Shade Rupe
4) THE BROTHERS CRUNK by William Pauley III)
5) FILM ALCHEMY by C.W. Curry
6) THE MAD & THE MACABRE by Jeff Strand and Michale McBride
7) OUT OF THE DARK by David Webber
8) DEADLY NIGHTLUSTS by John Everson
9) DEATH'S DISCIPLES by J.R. king
10) SATAN'S MIRROR by Roxanne Smolen
11) THE EXORCISM OF ANGLE GRAY by Norman Thaddeus Vane
12) NAPIER'S BONES by Derryl Murphy
13) THE DREADFUL DOCTOR FAUST by K.H. Koehler
14) FANGBOY by Jeff Strand
15) THE SORROW KING by Andersen Prunty
16) TO EACH THEIR DARKNESS by Gary A. Braunbeck
17) SPORE by John Skipp and Cody Goodfellow
18) WILD by Lincoln Crisler
19) ENGINES OF DESIRE by Livia Llewellyn
20) THE ULTIMATE PERVERSEITIES by Kurt Newton
21) EUTOPIA by David Nickle
22) TALES FROM THE TORCHLIGHT INN (v/a)
23) DYING TO LIVE 3: LAST RITES by Kim Paffenroth
24) THE GERMAN by Lee Thomas
25) DEATHWATCH by Lisa Mannetti
26) EVERY SHALLOW CUT by Tom Piccirilli
27) OLD MAN'S WAR by John Scalzi
28) IN LAYMON'S TERMS (v/a)
29) CONFESSIONS OF A ZOMBIE LOVER by Zoe E. Whitten
30) PRAY TO STAY DEAD by M.J. Cole
31) A LIFE ON FIRE by Chris Bowsman
32) TORMENT by Greg Chapman
33) UNEARTHED by Gina Ranalli
34) THE NOBODY by Tom Piccirilli
35) BLOOD BORN by Matthew Warner
36) BLEED by Ed Kurtz
37) DIAPHYONOUS by Roy Booth and Thomas Riley
38) ENTOMBED by Brian Keene
39) THE ARMAGEDDON CHORD by jeremy Wagner
40) SENSATION by Nick Mamatas
41) LET IT BLEED by S.L. Schmitz
42) NIGHT JACK by Tom Piccirilli
43) IMPOSSIBLY FUNKY by Mike White
44) COSMIC FORCES by Gregory Lamberson
45) MISTIFICATION by Kaaron Warren
46) RULE 34 by Charles Stross
47) IT'S FOR YOU by Keith Minnion
48) KIN by Kealan Patrick Burke
49) USRA MAJOR by John R. Little
50) DARK SURGE by Gina Ranalli
51) HUNTING THE MOON TRIBE by David Agranoff
52) ILL AT EASE (v/a)
53) SWALLOWED BY THE CRACKS (v/a)
54) MIDNIGHT MOVIE by Tobe Hooper
55) SAMSON AND DENIAL by Bob Ford
56) THE DRIVER'S GUIDE TO HITTING PEDESTRIANS by Andersen Prunty
57) BESTIAL: WEREWOLF APOCALYPSE by William Carl
58) BLIGHT by Rick Rostow
59) A BLEAK MIDWINTER by A.R. Sellars
60) FOR EMMY by Mary SanGiovanni
61) HEART OF GLASS by David Winnick
62) INHERENT DARK by T.J. Brown
63) THE BONE WORMS by Keith Minnion
64) SHOCK VALUE by Jason Zinoman
65) TATTERED SOULS (v/a)
66) HELLHOLE by Brian Herbert and Kevin J. Anderson
67) ANNA DRESSED IN BLOOD by Kendare Blake
68) ROUGH CUT by Brian Pinkerton
69) FOXY by Pam Grier
70) WALKING WONDED by Robert Devereaux
71) THE NEIGHBORHOOD by Kelli Owen
72) SACRIFICE by Wrath James White
73) KARAOKE DEATH SQUAD by Eric Mays
74) KING'S WAR by Maurice Broaddus
75) THE CREEPING KELP by William Meikle
76) THE YEARS OF MAGIC by J. Lydon Hickman
77) DEVIL'S DRUMS by Vivian Meik
78) IDOLS & CONS by S.S. Michaels
79) HIP POCKET SLEAZE by John Harrison
80) THE BLOODY REIGN OF SLAYER by Joel McIver
81) BENEATH CONTEMPT by Jack Stevenson
82) DEVIL TREE by Steve Vernon
83) MAL CONTENTS (v/a)
84) THE NOCTUARY by Greg Chapman
85) THE RED EMPIRE AND OTHER STORIES by Joe McKinney
86) RETURN TO DARKNESS by Michael Laimo
87) BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE APOCALYPSE DONKEYS by Jordan Krall
88) THE MAN WHO MADE MANIACS! by Jim Harmon
89) THE BRAINPAN CONCERTO by Kurt Newton
90) EDDIE TRUNK'S ESSENTIAL HARD ROCK & HEAVY METAL by Eddie Trunk
91) ENORMITY by W.G. Marshall
92) NO REGRETS by Ace Frehley
93) CROOKED HILLS by Cullen Bunn

Ace's Version of KISStory!

2011-12-29T19:48:00.001-05:00

NO REGRETS by Ace Frehley with Joe Layden and John Ostrosky (2011 Simon & Schuster / 305 pp / hc)

As a fan of KISS since I was five years old (maybe even younger), I had a blast reading about the early days of the band, and as a major ACE fan, I LOVED the stories about the recording of his classic 1978 solo album. Like most rock n roll memoirs, there's plenty of drug and alcohol stories, as well as car crashes and near-death experiences. So as a KISS and Ace fan, the book is a lot of fun, especially when Ace trashes Gene and Paul on nearly every other page, then offers something positive about them (although toward the end Gene really comes off as a total scumbag).

What I DIDN'T like about NO REGRETS are several sections where it's painfully obvious Ace's two co-authors did all the writing, using language that just doesn't fit with the majority of the book's Ace/Bronx attitude and lingo. Sure, Ace is lucky to have one brain cell left after all these years of cocaine and beer parties, but a book released on a major label like this could've taken the time to make each chapter sound like they were part of the same book. A small complaint, but one that I found distracting despite the quickness of the read.

I'm assuming any KISS fan will find much of this interesting, although fans of Ace's solo bands (if there ARE fans of JUST his solo bands) might be a bit disappointed as there's little time spent talking about them.

Ace's recollections of his times hanging out with John Belushi are worth the cover price IMO, and he comes off as a cool old-school neighborhood guy you'd want to hang out with. And judging from this book, it seems Ace bagged almost as many women as Gene Simmons!

Fun stuff for fans, including a 16-page section of rare pics.

Enormity Could Be HUGE

2011-12-26T21:03:00.001-05:00

ENORMITY by W.G. Marshall (to be released February, 2012 by Night Shade Books / 280 pp / tp)

Manny Lopes is an American working in Korea, is sort-of married and is sort-of having an affair with a co-worker. One day an accidental (or is it?) quantum explosion occurs, turning Manny into the size of a mountain...one of the BIGGEST characters ever to appear in a novel.

While Korea is dealing with him (every step he takes causes tsunamis and destroys entire towns), a second giant is spotted near Japan. It turns out she's a North Korean assassin named Yoon-sook, who worships The Wizard of Oz, and as Manny goes to meet up with her, her government makes her change course for the United States. Manny's allies manage to hook up to his ear drum and speak with him, guiding him on his cross-planet trek.

Manny and Yoon-sook meet up in an odd confrontation at the Grand Canyon; Manny tries to convice her that since they're the only two giants on the planet, they should unite. His sweet talking leads to one of the more bizarre sex scenes in recent memory, although Yoon-sook uses it to her advantage.

With another strange creature emerging from this unusual meeting, some great side characters, dark humor and plenty of social commentary, ENORMITY is a fun homage to the sci-fi creature features of the 50s. The detail that Marshall gives in explaining what such a large person might be like (from the aforementioned walking effects down to the germs on his skin) makes this quite an imaginative read, and one you'll whiz through in no time. KUDOS for a politically incorrect Muslim named Salim Ali, who rides inside Yook-sook's ear and does something that might have Islamic groups up in arms...yet I laughed my ass off.

Don't miss this.

Half-Off DON for One Week Only!

2011-12-26T19:00:00.001-05:00

For this week only, you can get my novel, DON OF THE DEAD, in eBook form, for 50% off at Smashwords. Just use coupon code JT89H and get your mafia-zombie freak on!

DON OF THE DEAD at SMASHWORDS

One Line Film Reviews

2011-12-26T12:41:00.000-05:00

My wife Maria has a knack for making one line film reviews that are at times hysterical and more often than not point out something others had not noticed. I'm currently trying to collect a bunch she has come up with over the years, but for now here's a sample of her two most popular:

On David Lynch's INLAND EMPIRE:

"I have NO IDEA what that meant, but it was AWESOME!"

On Alexandro Jodorowsky's THE HOLY MOUNTAIN:

"I've never seen so many unerect penises before."

More to come...

One HEADACHE of a Gig!

2011-12-22T22:24:00.000-05:00

THE BRAINPAN CONCERTO by Jurt Newton (2011 Sideshow Press / 123 pp / tp)

A musical maniac is kidnapping those with extrodinary musical talent, removing their skull caps and tapping into their brains to record some of the most original music ever heard by human ears. With the help of a computer hacker, a young music fan manages to track the lunatic down, only to become another hostage.

On the case are detectives Saul and Gwen, both with their own jaded pasts, an annoying, sexist boss, and they currently happen to be falling for each other. Along with the young boy, Saul eventually becomes hostage to the maniac's musical scalpel, leaving no other choice but for Gwen to come to the rescue.

THE BRAINPAN CONCERTO features a nifty idea for the killings and has some truly gruesome moments, and despite the standard police fare, I found Newton's quick novella a fine way to spend an hour or so.

A 50 Year-Old Turkey!

2011-12-19T20:34:00.003-05:00

THE MAN WHO MADE MANIACS! by Jim Harmon (1961 Epic Books / 155 pp / mmp)

I picked up this 1961 pulp novel looking for some kitschy fun, but unlike a few other pulp/exploitation novels I've read from this era, THE MAN WHO MADE MANIACS was just plain horrible.

Jace Reid is a Hollywood screenwriter whose life is turned upside down when someone tries to frame him...but with what is never quite clear. There's doctored photos of him with a woman with "big baloozas," and we eventually discover an underground sadism cult considers him their master. In one scene Jace is shot in the head but is back in action a couple chapters later, apparently part of a soap-operaish double-switch thing.

THE MAN WHO MADE MANIACS--despite its 1961 release date--features some of the goofiest dialogue I've ever read, and is massively unaware of its own stupidity. At one point in the book Jace begins to think himself a vampire, and the allegedly "shocking" sex scenes are tamer than one would think in a book about a "Depraved Cult of Sadism" (back cover blurb).

Author Harmon (who just passed away in 2010) has somewhat of a cult following, but this wasn't the title to discover him through. Hopefully a small press WON'T be publishing a 50th anniversary edition!

My Top Ten Books of 2011

2011-12-16T21:42:00.001-05:00

I have read 88 books so far this year, and should get to (and maybe even pass) 90 by New Year's Day. SO, unless I read something exceptionally good in the next 2 weeks, this is pretty much my top ten list for 2011. I had some difficult decisions to make, as I was fortunate enough to read an unusually large amount of GOOD books this year.

Here's my Top Ten, with links back to my original reviews:

10) IDOLS & CONS by S.S. Michaels. There were a few stellar debut novels released in 2011, and this was easily one of the best.

IDOLS & CONS by S.S. Michaels

~~~

9) THE SORROW KING by Andersen Prunty. Bizarro fave Prunty showed he can write a solid horror novel on par with the big boys. This is as creepy as it gets.

THE SORROW KING by Andersen Prunty

~~~

8) THE GERMAN by Lee Thomas. Here's one author who continues to get better with each passing novel or short story.

THE GERMAN by Lee Thomas

~~~

7) FOR EMMY by Mary SanGiovanni. SanGiovanni's novella is (hands down) the SCARIEST horror story I read this year. It packs more punch than most full-sized novels.

FOR EMMY by Mary SanGiovanni

~~~

6) DEVIL TREE by Steve Vernon. Leaving his trademark dark humor behind, Vernon also took his gloves off and delivered a genuinely frightening horror novel.

DEVIL TREE by Steve Vernon

~~~

5) ENGINES OF DESIRE by Livia Llewellyn. The all-around BEST (and most original) short story collection of 2011. A couple of stories have stayed with me since reading this back in February.

ENGINES OF DESIRE by Livia Llewellyn

~~~

4) RULE 34 by Charles Stross. In this loose sequel to Stross' 2007 novel HALTING STATE, we're back in the world of an ever-present Internet where obscure appliance murders cause headaches for Inspector Liz Kavanaugh. This quirky futuristic thriller is a prime example of why Stross is one of the best science fiction writers working today.

RULE 34 by Charles Stross

~~~

3) RETURN TO DARKNESS by Michael Laimo. Laimo's 2004 DEEP IN THE DARKNESS is an all-time personal favorite of mine. This long-awaited sequel is every bit as scary, engaging, and downright DARK as the original. It's the fastest I've read through a novel in ages.

RETURN TO DARKNESS by Michael Laimo

~~~

2) KIN by Kealan Patrick Burke. Burke pulled off no small feat here: he took what could have been a silly, b-movie backwoods redneck slasher plot and turned it into something fresh and terrifying. Brilliant.

KIN by Kealen Patrick Burke

~~~

AND NOW, MAY WE HAVE A DRUM ROLL PLEASE:

1) EUTOPIA by David Nickle. Nickle's debut novel reads as if written by a seasoned pro. EUTOPIA combines several genres into a strange, conspiracy-laden yarn of subtle terror and memorable characters that was a PURE pleasure from start to finish. THE most impressive (and all around best) novel I read this year.

EUTOPIA by David Nickle

~~~

Some other titles that didn't make my top ten list but I felt compelled to mention:

- COSMIC FORCES by Gregory Lamberson is the third novel in his Jake Helman supernatural P.I. series, and like the two before it's packed with non-stop occult action goodness and gives us a deeper look into Helman's mind.

- IN LAYMON'S TERMS edited by Kelly Laymon, Steve Gerlach and Richard Chizmar. This HUGE, long-awaited tribute (in both fiction and remembrances) to the late Richard Laymon was well worth the wait. Not just for Laymon fans, it deserves a place on ANY horror fiction fan's bookshelf.

-DARK STARS RISING by Shade Rupe is a mammoth collection of interviews the author conducted over the years with some of the wildest, strangest, and most innovative entertainers, artists, and film makers on the planet. UK Publisher Headpress gets major kudos here for the most ATTRACTIVE page layouts I've seen in many a moon.

Eric Mays' KARAOKE DEATH SQUAD was one of the more entertaining bizarro novels with an idea that I still can't get enough of. It WILL make you want to pick up a microphone...

See ya next year, kiddies!

Booby Apocalypse of the Film Geeks...

2011-12-15T21:20:00.001-05:00

BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE APOCALYPSE DONKEYS (2011 Copeland Valley Press / 174 pp / tp and limited edition hardcover)

While there's no squids, living sex dolls, or obscure foot fetishists in Krall's latest novella, it turned out to be one of the author's strangest (and best) offerings to date...so if you're a bizarro lover pay attention:

Gary Lancaster reviews obscure films exclusively for print publications. He's on a mission to find a rare film---one he had seen bits and pieces of at a young age. He manages to track down a crude VHS copy of THE APOCALYPSE DONKEY, his journey taking him to a modern day nudist colony where he meets a sexy older woman in a donkey mask, who he hooks up with. Trouble starts when her jealous husband (a professional daredevil) finds out and tries to kill him. Things take a wicked turn when daredevil "Big" Bill Stapleton tries to run Gary over in a diner before he teams up with a flamboyant Mexican chef.

The rest is classic Krall, combining cult film camp with surreal situations and plenty of off key humor. If you're a fan you'll want this...if you're new to bizarro you just might lose your mind.

There's also plenty of nifty extras here, especially in the limited hardcover edition (a preface, introduction, and foreword from three different authors, as well as a hysterical afterword by Matthew Revert and Krall's interesting notes on the text of each chapter PLUS another Krall short story). BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE APOCALYPSE DONKEYS gives the feel of a 60s/70s H.G. Lewis/Russ Meyer nudie movie meshed with a classic underground midnight cult film.

You gotta love it...

Now THIS is a SEQUEL...

2011-12-14T20:09:00.000-05:00

RETURN TO DARKNESS by Michael Laimo (2011 Bad Moon Books / 337 pp / tp)

This sequel to the author's 2004 DEEP IN THE DARKNESS picks up right where things left off seven years ago. The backstory: Dr. Michael Cayle--who has moved his family from Manhattan to a small town in New Hampshire--becomes a slave to a race of small creatures known as Isolates. They hold his wife and daughter prisoner as they force Michael to heal their sick and mend their wounded in their underground lair. The creatures have control of everyone in town, and five surrounding towns are also under their spell, making escape impossible.

RETURN TO DARKNESS finds Dr. Michael about to committ suicide, when the thought of his wife and daughter out there in the woods convinces him to go on with the hellish ordeal. His wife--having been raped by an Isolate and given birth to a demon baby in the first novel--now has Isolate DNA running through her veins. She appears to Michael as a half human/half monster...but his young daughter Jessica still seems to be all human. The only way for Michael to get his family back is to have a different person sacrifice an animal to the creatures...a feat that was put on him by an alleged friend, a ritual that has been the town's dark tradition for centuries.

A family of four move in to the neighborhood, and before long Michael plans ways to get one of them to take his place. But the father is a drunk lunatic, his wife and teenage son no better. The eighteen-year-old daughter Shea, however, takes a liking to Michael, and before long helps him find his daughter while he helps her to get revenge on her father who has raped and abused her since she was a child.

What follows is a bloody horrific time as Michael--with increasingly poor health due to struggles with the Isolates--plots a way to escape the cursed town with his daughter, all the while wondering what to do about his possessed wife and his feelings for the young girl who risks life and limb to help him.

Like DEEP IN THE DARKNESS, RETURN is chock-full of suspense, plenty of scares and creepy atmosphere, and an impending sense of doom that'll leave readers breathless. Laimo gives the "ancient evil in a small town" thing a fresh kick in the pants here, delivering a sequel that's every bit as frightening as its predecessor. This is MUST reading for fans of DEEP, and while newbies will get a better effect if they read DEEP first, there's still enough background given to make it work as a stand alone novel.

The seven year wait for RETURN was well worth it, from its fast paced opening right up to the darker than dark finale.

Uneven...but Good

2011-12-09T19:44:00.000-05:00

THE RED EMPIRE AND OTHER STORIES by Joe McKinney (to be released 1/1/2012 by Redrum Horror / 356 pp / tp)

McKinney, best known for his Dead World zombie novels, here delivers a collection featuring a novella and seven shorts, most with a police-theme.

In the novella THE RED EMPIRE, a secret military bio-weapon is accidentally unleashed on a small town where a woman and her young daughter (who is recovering from having cornea implants) are trying to get home during a heavy rain storm. Adding to the problem is an escaped cop killer, who seeks refuge in the woman's isolated home. While the story is action-packed and will give you the willies, it's almost as if the killer-ant thing takes a back seat to the psycho/hostage drama. Good, if a bit uneven.

'Blemish' is a love/ghost story dealing with a cop who ends up leaving the force, and while I didn't find it spooky, McKinney's take on ghosts and lost love is well done. 'Cold Case' deals with a rookie cop who becomes fascinated with the story of a cop who was slain during his second day on the force...back in 1900. Why this short tale (which originally appeared on a true crime blog) was included in a horror fiction collection is anyone's guess.

My favorite piece here is titled 'The Old Man Under the Sea,' an addictive tale featuring Ernest Hemmingway in Cuba--fresh off a boxing match with Louis Lamour--who becomes enticed by a young girl, only to have her father threaten his life if he doesn't help him with a dangerous diving expedition. The suspense and mystery here never lets up, and McKinney handles this classic literary figure in a slick way.

'The Millstone' is a pointless trailer-trash outing about two sisters, their wacky neighbor, a cheating boyfriend, and an axe. Likewise, 'Empty Room' is a sort-of ghost tale about a suicidal would-be father. And a pistol. Both tales are forgettable.

The very-well done 'Burning Finger Man' pits a cop assigned to a housing project against an impossible-to-grab freak who molests women in the hallways then seemingly vanishes. Its cast of crackheads and hood rats gives it a genuine hood-film feel. The collection concludes with 'Eyes Open,' an apocalyptic/Lovecraftian yarn about a cop who becomes "enlightened" by a schziophrenic homeless man about a coming calamity. I'm a sucker for cult-themed stories and this one's quite satisfying.

THE RED EMPIRE AND OTHER STORIES is all over the place, which is fine; but coming from a new small press dedicated to horror fiction, I was surprised to see so many non-genre stories in the mix. The good tales heavily outweight the bad (and thankfully, the longer stories are the more memorable), so it's still worth your time. This is the first I've read from McKinney and it's easy to see why he has so much material out there.

One Dark Scribe

2011-12-05T19:49:00.001-05:00

THE NOCTUARY by Greg Chapman (2011 Damnation Books / 56 pp / tp)

Chapman's latest novella is a sort-of homage to Clive Barker, but unlike other "homages" this one has its own voice and style.

Struggling writer Simon Ryan falls into the hands of creatures who are the incarnations of dark muse: they offer him a chance to re-write his abusive life story, but things don't turn out the way Simon had intended.

And just when Simon thinks he'll forever be a scribe for the underworld, a former captive of these creatures helps him escape...although his new-found reality could be darker than ever before.

THE NOCTUARY blends supernatural and real-life horrors quite well. Kudos to Chapman for dealing with a side-plot of child abuse in a non-exploitative (but still chilling) manner.

Four Fun Novellas

2011-12-03T14:32:00.000-05:00

MAL CONTENTS (v/a) (2011 Grand Mal Press / 189 pp / tp)

This collection of four novellas begins with Randy Chandler's HOWLER, about a hairy girl (nick-named Wolf Girl) who leaves a brothel to work as a circus side-show freak. She becomes close with a pair of Jewish performers until a gang of redneck Nazis attack, all the while being mentally tormented by a strange, squid-like creature. It's a violent, heart-breaking tale that gets things off to a great start.

Next up is THE MUSHROOMS by Gregory L. Norris, where TV cooking show host Sunny Weir is assaulted by a would-be chef who failed to make it onto a competition program. When Sunny goes to an isolated house to relax and heal from her injuries, her assailant takes revenge in a supernatural way. Norris gets the chills going and (amazingly) manages to make a mushroom-creature anything but campy.

My favorite of the bunch is Ryan C. Thomas' CHOOSE, about a computer store owner who is almost killed when someone enters his store and puts a gun to his temple, claiming he has made his life a living hell. But instead of shooting, the mysterious gunmen gives him a choice: by midnight this night, he must shoot and kill either his wife or teenage daughter, or he'll kill all three of them. A cop sent to protect the family is quickly dispatched, and despite hiding in another town there seems to be no escape from this otherwordly psycho. Thomas' tale is tight, full of nail-biting suspense and is one of the darker short stories I've read this year.

Ending things is David T. Wilbanks' THE OUTSIDER TRIO. After two years, a man returns to proclaim his love for his girlfriend only to find she has been missing for six months. Malcom learns Violet (a professional violinist) has been kidnapped by some kind of cult-like musician, and with the help of an occult practicioner, manages to track her down, being held prisoner in another dimension. TRIO features some dark humor and all kinds of weird monsters, making for a fun way to wrap up a satisfying collection.

Those Scary Trees...

2011-11-30T22:10:00.000-05:00

DEVIL TREE by Steve Vernon (2011 Macabre Ink Digital / 289 pp / eBook)

Former preacher Lucas Sawyer and his wife Tamsen are seeking a new life, heading south down the Greensnake River. They nearly drown when their raft capsizes, but are rescued by a burly man named Jonah Duvall, who takes them back to his home in an isolated valley. Duvall's wife Jezebel helps nurse them back to health as their son looks on, and before long Lucas is helping Duvall with the daily chores. And in time Lucas and Tamsen will discover a strange, gigantic tree that sits in the middle of the woods, a tree that seems to be in control of Duvall. A tree that is beginning to call to each of them...

In Vernon's 19th-century-set horror tale, isolation and the impossibility of escape--coupled with supernatural elements--enhance the chills with each page that goes by. While the plot may seem a bit familiar, Vernon's natural talent for infusing believablitiy into each of his characters helps give things a fresh feel.

Vernon is well known for his ability to blend horror and humor (his 2004 novella LONG HORN, BIG SHAGGY being one of my all-time favorites), but here he paints a pitch-black serious tale that'll make you increasingly apprehensive. With Cronenberg-esque body terror, a Wendigo-type sub plot, and a wicked tree that would give the vegetation in the original EVIL DEAD a run for its money, DEVIL TREE is a best bet for horror fans tired of not being scared by horror fiction.

This one delivers the goods.

Rise and Fall of a Porn King...

2011-11-27T19:14:00.001-05:00

BENEATH CONTEMPT AND HAPPY TO BE THERE: THE FIGHTING LIFE OF PORN KING AL GOLDSTEIN by Jack Stevenson (2011 Headpress / 218 pp / tp)

I think I was fourteen when I came across an issue of a newspaper called SCREW. While most fourteen year old boys would be happy to find a piece of pornography, this paper was just utterly…disgusting! You could almost feel the herpes dripping off the pages, which consisted more of sex-related articles and ads for call girls and night clubs than it had dirty pictures. In other words, this was bottom-of-the-barrel sleaze. Over the years I had heard of the exploits of this paper’s founder, Al Goldstein, but never paid him (or his paper) much attention. Aside from his life-long career as a porn publisher, he has showed up in some non-porn films (including the 4^th TOXIC AVENGER movie) and is viewed by many as a champion of 1^st amendment rights. To others, he’s considered the filthiest man who has ever lived. And after reading BENEATH CONTEMPT, I’ve come to see him as both.

Stevenson gives a brief history of Goldstein’s Jewish upbringing in Brooklyn, and it was clear from an early age he was more interested in what lay across the river in Manhattan than in the teachings of his local synagogue. Before becoming the infamous porn publisher he’d be known for, Goldstein served for a brief time in the U.S. army as a photographer, attended Pace University on a G.I. bill then worked as a photographer for the Daily Mirror. He even won a writing contest held by Escapade magazine before taking on photo jobs in Cuba and traveling to Russia before getting a job as a writer for pulp-magazine legend Myron Fass.

Much of BENEATH CONTEMPT then deals with Goldstein’s creation of SCREW, a local New York sex paper that ran from 1968-to the early 2000s (his former employees restarted it in 2005). Goldstein eventually became a millionaire, an amazing feat considering SCREW was mainly sold in Manhattan and major cities: he would appear in court several times for sending the paper to some middle-America states on the charge of “distributing obscene material.” His court cases have become legendary (during one of his divorce trials, he wore a t-shirt that said “Death Before Marriage”), and his language and actions toward the judges were anything but civil. His anarchy-esque lifestyle made most rock stars jealous, and his sex hi-jinks (despite his unattractive mug and overweight body) dumbfounded all who knew him.

While it’s hard to like someone like Goldstein, you can’t help but admire the “living large” lifestyle the success of SCREW magazine brought him, from mansions in Florida to the most expensive of jewelry, Al had it and ran with it. Of course, someone who spent money like this and had as many enemies was destined to fall, and fall he did. Between 2003 and 2004, Al became bankrupt and homeless, sleeping in shelters and 24-hour Starbucks coffee shops. Friends would throw him money and feed him, and he took jobs you’d never think a former millionaire would (from working in a deli to being a greeter at a mid-town cigar shop). If nothing else, Al Goldstein held an old-school, hard working ethic that had paid off and also helped him to overcome his financial ruin.

Stevenson also portrays Goldstein as a man who continued to use 60s/70s business tactics despite the modern Internet age. He was a smut peddler stuck in time, a vile, vulgar, offensive sex addict who—despite being married five times—claimed true love didn’t exist. His two-faced relationship with fellow pornographer/1^st amendment champion Larry Flynt as well as 70s porn queen Linda Lovelace provides some of the book’s best stories.

BENEATH CONTEMPT will make you both admire and loathe a man who lived the American dream despite what anyone had to say about his methods of doing so. You may love or hate him, but the importance of his place in New York’s underground, barrier-breaking history can’t be denied.

Stevenson, an accomplished author of several books dealing with cult film authors and genres, provides plenty of info. for those interested in learning more about this filthy American menace…

Al Goldstein at his infamously cluttered desk

More info here: BENEATH CONTEMPT

Those SLEAZY Paperbacks!

2011-11-25T16:20:00.001-05:00

HIP POCKET SLEAZE: THE LURID WORLD OF VINTAGE ADULT PAPERBACKS by John Harrison (2011 Headpress / 392 pp / tp)

While not exhaustive, Harrison's look at trashy paperbacks from the 50s-70s is quite impressive. His introduction tells of his growing up in an area of Australia that was comparable to New York City's Times Square of yesteryear, complete with a second hand bookstore packed with rare goodies.

In his short history of paperbacks, Harrison explains how paperback novels were looked down upon (thanks to the usual, lurid subject matter) and explains how the film noir genre helped with their popularity. .After giving a brief history of adult paperbacks, we get some amazing interviews with several legendary pulp authors, including Ann Bannon and Jim Harmon (there's even reviews of a few books penned by infamous film director Ed Wood, Jr.).

Perhaps the biggest draw to these vintage books were their eye-catching cover art. Harrison takes a look at three of the masters (Gene Bilbrew, Eric Stanton, andBill Ward) then gives an interesting interview with Dede Aday MacDonald, daughter of Sanford Aday, who had spent much of his life publishing and distributing obscure paperbacks (and often being arrested for his efforts).

Before delving into the world of 70s paperbacks, Harrison gives some great reviews of several vintage adult titles, a few of which I've already sought out and ordered.

As a child of the 70s, I was completely fascinated with the section titled "When Softcore Hardened & the Sleaze Became Sick," which features interviews with editors and publishers who began to release some of the most explicit novels ever to see print (at the time). Incest, beastiality, and satanism were common themes. Some memorable titles included 'The Molester Stepmother,' 'Satan's Chicks,' and 'Human-Animal Sex,' which was one of several animal-themed books able to get away with obscenity charges by being released as a medical text. Who says loop holes haven't existed forever?

While the main focus of the book is adult titles, other genres (horror, crime, Nazis, science fiction) are examined. One horror novel that actually sounds quite good is titled 'Crocodile,' written by Carl Ruhen in 1981 for Horwitz Books. The synopsis given sounds more disturbing than a dozen SyFy channel giant monster flicks combined. There's also a section featuring several horror movie tie-in novels, including Dawn of the Dead, Squirm, Inseminoid, and, most shockingly, the seldom-seen UK comedy Queen Kong (!), which was made to cash in on the success of the 1976 remake of King Kong. As the author states:

"The discovery of this paperback in my used bookstore has convinced me that any film may have its own tie-in novel sitting out there hidden on some musty old shelf, waiting to be rediscovered." -pp. 231

Harrison then gives us a tour of witchcraft and Charles Manson-themed paperbacks, before coming to one of my favorite sections of the book. Among the Miscellaneous, Offbeat, and Esoteric titles, the cover of one book actually made my stomach drop (hence why it's probably featured on the cover):

Author Robert Buchard's 1970 'Thirty Seconds Over New York' deals with an anti-American Red Chinese colonel who orchestrates a nuclear attack over Manhattan. There's no need to get into the shocking, almost premonition-like nature of the cover.

The only uneven section is titled 'Classic Smut Film Rags,' which takes up over thirty pages. While the author feels these porn-film review magazines "share the same dirty bed as adult paperbacks from this era," I found the inclusion put the book at a brief pause.

HIP POCKET SLEAZE concludes by interviewing two major adult paperback collectors, and offers a priceless appendix that's packed with resources for serious collectors.

Props given to Mr. Harrison for this huge undertaking, highlighted by Headpress' always beautiful page layouts and rare book cover art. Any book lover will eat this one up in no time.

More info here: HIP POCKET SLEAZE

A FANTASTIC Debut...

2011-11-20T15:53:00.000-05:00

IDOLS AND CONS by S.S. Michaels (2011 / 254 pp / eBook)

John is a drug-dealing (and taking) punk living in a seedy section of Los Angeles, sketching and playing his guitar. His neighborhood has been overrun with yuppies and celebrities looking to be hip. John's also a voyuer, and Damien--the singer for a popular boy band--lives right across the street. John's used to watching Damien bring home groupies for sex romps, but one day things go a little overboard and the singer accidentally kills a teenage girl. He wraps her in a carpet and throws her in a dumpster--and makes eye contact with the peeping John as he does so.

While furhter spying the neighborhood, John witnesses his artist-neighbor Patrick walking into his apartment with the carpet/body. He unwisely decides to go over there and confront him, only to find himself stuck in a world of murder and a growing art project that's beyond gruesome.

But Patrick is the least of John's problems: when John's kidnapped by two thugs, he winds up in the presence of Damien, whose manager had suggested they kill John for his knowledge before he rats and destroys the pop star's career. But Damien can't bear to kill his friend (and drug supplier), so he manages to make John a part of In Dreams, his huge boy band. John accepts (having no other choice), and before long takes to his new role, becoming the most popular member of the band while simultaneously becoming part of a huge art show.

S.S. Michaels' debut novel is nearly impossible to put down. She blends the seedy L.A. underground drug and art world with pop music fame, adds a crime element, and makes us cheer-on her rags-to-riches character despite his low-life personality. And best of all, IDOLS AND CONS is heavy on the suspense and has just the right amount of humor thrown in.

With its message of how far some will go for fame (and the ways people deal with it), the novel is as cautionary as it is entertaining. One of the finest debuts I've read in a long time...

Trying to Make CASH off of CLASH

2011-11-17T10:07:00.000-05:00

The 40th installment of my SUBURBAN GRINDHOUSE MEMORIES column takes a look at WAR OF THE WIZARDS, a hokey martial arts film re-packaged in an attempt to cash in on CLASH OF THE TITANS' success!

CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT (War of the Wizards)

A Re-Discovered Classic

2011-11-16T20:39:00.000-05:00

DEVILS' DRUMS by Vivian Meik (2011 Medusa Press / 214 pp / limited edition hc)

Continuing to find and re-release seldom-heard horror authors of old, Medusa Press delivers yet another fine collection from a fascinating writer.

After an informative introduction (Meik truly lived an amazing life), the original ten stories that made up DEVIL'S DRUMS in 1933 are presented, followed by three more tales (one actually a non-fiction piece). Meik spent several years in Africa, his love and admiration for the country and culture showing in each tale.

The first two stories, 'Devil's Drums' and 'White Zombie' introduce us to African voodoo, complete with witch doctors, slave-zombies, and plenty of eerie atmosphere. 'An Acre in Hell' is one of the better moments here, dealing with the ultimate in voodoo evil and human sacrifice. 'The Doll of Death' is a spooky little yarn that was even turned into a short film forty years later when it appeared on one of the last episodes of 'Rod Serling's Night Gallery' in 1973.

'White Man's Law' shows what happens when the west intervenes where it shouldn't, and acts as a catalyst for the stories to follow (Mein uses most of the same characters in this collection, making the shorts seem almost like a single, long story). 'L'Amitie Reste' brings Meik favorites Geoffrey Aylett (an action commissioner) and Padre Vaneken (a Catholic missionary) closer together, this time in one of several tales that uses letters to unravel the happenings.

'The Man Who Sold His Shadow' is easily the best of the bunch, an eerie, heart-breaking account of a recently married white couple and their dealings with a local witch doctor. It's the best example of Meik's horror writing, mixing a compelling supernatural plot with social intrigue. 'R.A.' finds our heroes Aylett and Padre Vaneken trying to get to the bottom of a series of gruesome murders along the local villages that leads them to a mysterious old woman and a legendary snake god. 'A Honeymoon in Hate' takes another look at a young couple and their life in Africa, complete with a surprise, brutal (for its time) ending.

The collection isn't called DEVILS' DRUMS for no reason: voodoo drum beats reverbeat throughout each tale, bringing a sense of dread whenever they appear. 'Domiria's Drum' ends the original ten-stories of the collection, once again taking a look at yet another cursed couple.

'The Two Old Women' (the first of three extra stories included in this edition) features not only characters from Meik's African horror tales, but also Meik himself. This time the voodoo has come to London. I'm assuming 'Chiromo' is the non-fiction piece mentioned in Douglas A. Anderson's introduction, as it starts off like a memoir then turns into a bizarre ghost story. 'I Leave it to You' ends the collection and is told from the Padre's point of view, and deals with a strange woman who may or may not be what she seems.

I found Meik's writing to be filler-free and to the point. Perhaps he used the word "horror" a bit too often, but otherwise he was gifted at building dread and atmosphere while crafting likeable characters in a minimalist manner. Medusa Press has also (once again) created an absolutely beautiful book here, one that any serious fan of horror fiction history will want on their book shelf.

A Newly Discovered Crackpot Masterpiece!

2011-11-14T23:06:00.001-05:00

Leave it up to the lunatics at SOMETHING WEIRD VIDEO to find this lost gangster comedy and release it to the masses. This previously unreleased film stars the legendary JANE RUSSELL, who appears here in her last FILM role before doing a couple of TV shows in the mid 80s. Godfather Johnny Stiletto is played by Peter Savage, who went on to smaller roles in Martin Scorcese's TAXI DRIVER and RAGING BULL. But the fun here comes from Stiletto's six mob goons who are played by former boxing champions (Jake La Motta, Rocky Graziano, Willie Pep, Paddy Demarco, Tony Zale, and Petey Scalzio) who provide most of the films' bumbling antics, at times in BENNY HILL-style speed-ups. An opening fight scene between Stiletto's boys and another gang features Loony Tunes-type sound effects, creating a hilarious, old-fashioned slapstick brawl that had me in stitches. There are a few times during the film silly cartoon-sounds are used in place of people's words, one time nearly causing me to fall off the couch in hysterics.

THE GODFATHER AND THE LADY (co-titled 6 CHAMPIONS GO WILD) centers around the Godfather's daughter, Paulette. The Don can't keep her boyfriend Armand off of her, and he discovers she's pregnant. Although he wants to whack Armand, his daughter convinces him not to...and the boyfriend promises to marry her. But first Armand must get the approval of his guardian, his aunt Nira (Jane Russell), a snobby dame who hates gangsters and doesn't take to Stiletto's cigar smoking.

In the messy story that follows, Aunt Nira (now broke despite her spacious home) will only give her blessing to the wedding if Stiletto can convince her rich uncle to change his will to leave her his money. The film pretty much goes all over the place from this point, but I was still laughing over the opening cartoon-ish fight sequence to care.

As Stiletto tries to work the rich uncle, he makes his goons watch his daughter. Despite the fact she's already knocked up, he doesn't want Armand touching her anymore until the wedding. A hilarious "baby-sitting" scene goes down where two of the boys show up with their much-younger dates and begin making out and dancing while Paulette and Armand sneak into her bedroom to do the nasty. Thinking Armand has gone home early and Paulette sleeping, the boys head back to their hangout where the Godfather is still attempting to con the rich Uncle by using sexy dancing girls to entice him. Up until this point I had no idea gangsters (even in the 70s) danced this much.

And considering the music, hair styles and clothing, I'm willing to bet this "1975" film was shot at least five or six years earlier as it has a true 60s vibe going throughout.

Star Peter Savage directed this celluloid abomination under his real name, Peter Petrella, and there's actually a co-director credited during the film's opening sequence.

THE GODFATHER AND THE LADY is a real gem...a true "so bad it's good" that the folks at Something Weird Video have an uncanny knack for discovering. I can't wait to show this to my old man as he's a huge boxing fan (one has to wonder just how bored these retired champions had to be to act in such a goofy flick), and despite her age, Jane Russell looks pretty good here.

With a few symbolic/surreal dream sequences, atrocious acting, a horrendous soundtrack and some of the ugliest suits ever to grace a gangster flick, this is a best-bet for your next drunken movie night.

Mob goon after getting cracked in the face during the opening brawl...

The Godfather goes after his daughter's boyfriend

Jane Russell makes the gas face when the Don lights-up his stogie

Who knew old goons got such hot chicks?

Party time at the gang's hang out

Russell listens as the Godfather plans to manipulate her rich Uncle's will...

Why would gangsters want a spacious limo when they could squeeze into a cool Mustang?

After being double-crossed, the Godfather bows to Russell (OOPS--spoiler alert!)

The Don and his goons

Paulette and Armand in one of the Godfather's dream sequences...

Gangster go-go girls!

Former world champ Rocky Graziano living it up outside the ring!

The Godfather lights a stogie after shagging Russell...

SOMETHING WEIRD VIDEO's DVD-R cover for the film, which can be ordered here:

THE GODFATHER AND THE LADY (DVD-R)

(Note: the film can also be downloaded here):

GODFATHER/LADY DOWNLOAD

Ughhhh...

2011-11-10T19:11:00.001-05:00

THE YEARS OF MAGIC by J. Lyndon Hickman (2011 / 234 pp / tp)

Set in 1934, Hickman's debut novel deals with what might have happened in the spirit world if electricity ceased to exist at that time. His two protagonists (a gentleman named David Rancliff and his new friend Winston Thomas Guildersleeves--who turns out to be David's guardian angel) are likeable enough, but after setting up its quirky premise,THE YEARS OF MAGIC quickly looses logic and steam and its base intention seems all but forgotten.

When the world's electricity supply is taken away, the small town of Gallatin becomes host to a group of vampires who build an army through a huge, fancy, corrupt church. David and Winston also encounter werewolves, zombies, ghosts, and just about anything else the author could think to throw in. Apparently the absence of global electricity has caused these legendary monsters to come forth as MAGIC's story becomes an uneven, unintentionally funny tale that bounces all over the place and is further marred by some of the worst dialogue I've read in years.

This is a fine example of a self-published title that could've used a seriously professional edit. I have no idea how I made it to the end.

One for the Youngin's...

2011-11-09T21:39:00.001-05:00

CROOKED HILLS (BOOK ONE) by Cullen Bunn (2011 Earwig Press / 248 pp. / tp, eBook, and limited edition hc)

After their father passes away, Charlie and his younger brother Alex are taken on a trip to the small town of Crooked Hills by their mom. Charlie's a bit upset as he was looking forward to spending the summer with his friends, but it doesn't take long for him to gain interest in their planned 6-week vacation. Charlie's mom gives him a book about the haunted legends of Crooked Hills, and before long his cousin Marty and a red-headed tom boy named Lisa are exploring the back woods and its chilling legends.

When each kid has a nightmare about a legendary local witch--and discover young Alex has been kidnapped by a woman bent on resurrecting that witch--the stage is set for plenty of action and suspense. Along the way our little heroes grapple with all kinds of creepy crawlies, ghosts, a nasty dog, and two teenage bullies. Bunn doesn't shy away from having these children deal with death and dark situations, and does so in a manner that shouldn't freak out the more impressionable young readers.

Cullen Bunn's first book in the CROOKED HILL series is aimed at the 9-12 year-old market, and if given a proper push there's no reason this shouldn't take off. It's loaded with fun, is written at a great pace, and is a good way to introduce the kids to the horror genre. I'll surely be getting a copy for my nephew...

A 1980 Obscurity...

2011-11-08T23:14:00.000-05:00

The 39th column in my SUBURBAN GRINDHOUSE MEMORIES series is now LIVE at CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT:

FIEND (1980)

Uncomfortable Admissions (Part One): The Strange Case of Dave Murray

2011-11-07T20:29:00.001-05:00

I am a heterosexual. I've been attracted to females since the day I came into the world almost forty-four years ago. I love everything about them, even their irritating habits and endless need to buy the most useless crap to place around the house.

In 1980, I was a sixth grade student. A friend of mine let me borrow a cassette by a heavy metal band called IRON MAIDEN. I became a fan of theirs. When their second album came out in 1981, I bought a cassette and played it non-stop. Like most white suburban teenage boys into rock music at the time, this band consumed my mind 24/7, from their horror-imagery to their amazingly fast bass lines and gruesome lyrics. I must have listened to their first two albums a million times each during these two years.

Then something strange happened.

I bought a couple of posters featuring IRON MAIDEN, both in their original five-man lineup (today the band has six members, only three from the first two albums still on board). The long-haired man pictured at the top of this post is MAIDEN guitarist Dave Murray. After countless hours spent in my bedroom staring at these posters as I read horror magazines and listened to MAIDEN on my stereo, I eventually developed a non-sexual man-crush on him. A pre-"bromance." I thought he was the coolest-looking guitarist ever with his extra-long hair and hard-to-identify cool-ass attitude when he played live on stage. To me the guy was the epitome of a rock n roll god. I saw Iron Maiden's 1983 and 1985 world tours, and most recently saw them on their 2008 retro-80s tour here in New York City.

My daughter (now 16) became a serious fan of IRON MAIDEN around age eleven, although she had been listening to them since she was three. When my wife and I took her and my son to see IRON MAIDEN in 2008, my Dave Murray story came out and disturbed the poor child more than I intended it to.

"But you're not gay," she said, laughing as I attempted to explain my fascination with the British guitar slinger.

"I know," I said, "But if I was a chick, I'd probably think he was hot."

She laughed, especially when I told her one of my ex-girlfriends back in high school thought Murray looked like E.T. Naturally, we broke up shortly after.

I'm one of those guys who has a hard time determining what other guys the ladies find attractive. While most of my female friends are in love with Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt, I just don't get it. Being straighter than an arrow, I enjoy some of the films these men act in, but couldn't tell you if one was better looking than the other. OR Dave Murray. Because to me--if I was a chick--would be after Dave Murray, the metal guitar wizard who has been blowing me away with his unique axe-sound for over thirty years.

And then...tragedy struck:

On a fateful afternoon in 2008 (shortly before we saw the 2008 tour), my daughter and I watched a VH1 program about IRON MAIDEN. In the program, Dave Murray is interviewed along with the rest of the band.

It was the first time I heard Dave's voice.

After noticing a look my face had never made before or since, my daughter broke out into a fit of confused laughter that was a mixture of hysteria and genuinely feeling bad for her father.

Dave Murray--the rock god I had idolized since I was twelve years old--was the first man I ever heard speak with a British accent that also had a massive LISP. And I mean MASSIVE.

I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. I felt cheated. How could such a cool-looking guitarist (and handsome son of a bitch) sound so goofy? I looked on in disbelief as I remembered the stories former MAIDEN vocalist Paul Di'anno told about Murray in his autobiography, THE BEAST. Murray--who had been a mad party animal with wildman Di'Anno during many of his arrests and nights of pure debauchery--was speaking like a mentally challenged reject from ROMPER ROOM. My stomach sank to the lowest depths of the planet.

I didn't move from my seat for about two hours. My daughter even handed me a cold bottle of water in an attempt to get this voice--this image--out of my mind. How could I EVER listen to classic MAIDEN songs such as PHANTOM OF THE OPERA, KILLERS, or MURDERS IN THE RUE MORGUE again without thinking of my favorite guitarist's ridiculous-sounding voice? How could I listen to any of their songs ever again without feeling cheated and having a mental breakdown?

My non-sexual man-crush came to an end after this program. And to this day I couldn't tell you who a handsome guy is...not only because I'm a hardcore heterosexual, but because I am DONE answering this stupid question many of my female friends seem to ask me all the time.

As for Dave Murray . . . at least we had the early 80s.

(POST NOTE: Below is a picture of Dave Murray TODAY (2011). What on earth was I thinking?)

Monster Mush...

2011-11-07T17:32:00.000-05:00

THE CREEPING KELP by William Meikle (2011 Dark Regions Press / 158 pp / tp)

Remember that segement in CREEPSHOW 2 where a bunch of teenagers go on a raft in an isolated pond and get attacked by a mysterious, floating black mass? THE CREEPING KELP brings this skit to mind, only on an epic scale.

Noble and Suzie are two scientists working near London in the North Atlantic. After discovering a strange, black tar on the motor of his boat, Noble makes it back to the main ship just as all hell breaks loose.

As an ever-growing mass of black, tendril-sprouting seaweed attacks England's shores, Noble and Suzie uncover this phenomenon by reading through journals left by recent military persons, then older texts dating back to the 1500s by a Catholic priest and a ship captain.

While Meikle gives a few head-scratching ideas as to what this Creeping Kelp is (everything from an ancient God to a human-engineered military weapon is cited), this short novel is packed with so much cheesy scifi/horror fun it was easy for me to overlook the monster's unclear origin.

Like a better film on the SyFy Channel, THE CREEPING KELP delivers the creature-feature goods despite it's goofy, 'Spongebob'-sounding title. It starts out as an ecological warning (the beast feeds on plastic consumer waste) yet ends on a Lovecraftian, action-packed note with plenty of dazzling visuals. Its environmental edge is quickly forgotten in place of major Kelp attacks and latent conspiracy theories.

KELP is an uneven read that tries to make a point or two, but those seeking some classic 1950s-style monster mayhem should be able to ignore the confusion and have a good time. I did.

Return to Breton Court...

2011-11-05T13:43:00.000-04:00

KING’S WAR: THE KNIGHTS OF BRETON COURT BOOK III by Maurice Broaddus (2011 Angry Robot / 400 pp / mmp)

This third (and what seems like final) installment of Broaddus’ Indianapolis street-gang saga begins with an unspeakable act of violence as two gangs battle for supremacy in the wake of King’s most recent setbacks. It seems he’s getting soft and the time is at hand for a new leader to take charge of the inner-city underworld. And when King is shot during an ambush, his rival, Dred, begins to draw as many as he can over to his side as his magical abilities grow stronger.

For those new to this series, it’s basically a modern-day re-telling of the King Arthur legend, using ‘hood gangs in place of knights, prostitutes in place of princesses, and a wise old man in place of the grand wizard. The series’ strength has been its ability to blend fantasy elements (dragons, magic, and strange creatures) right alongside the gritty, realistic, every-day street lifestyle, and Broaddus brings this even stronger here than in the first two novels. There’s also a deeper spiritual element this time, plenty of twists, surprises, and emotional depth that should satisfy those who have been hanging around Breton Court these past couple of years.

While I think a novel centered around street gangs could’ve used some more fight scenes (the final battle even seemed a bit rushed), Broaddus manages to keep the pace moving from the gripping prologue right through the unexpected conclusion, and whether this is the final installment or the beginning of a new chapter at Breton Court, things are wrapped up quite nicely. Some good stuff here.

HALLOWEEN 2011

2011-11-01T22:45:00.000-04:00

SO a bunch of us were invited to a very cool Halloween party in Long Island this past Friday night. Several in attendance were NECon regulars, so it was like a mini-reunion of sorts. Below are the winners of several different costume prizes (Including me as "Dr. Howie Feltersnatch, GYNECOLOGY."). I won for funniest costume...

Linda Addison won for sexiest, Matt Schwartz won two prizes, and Kelly Laymon won for her homeless woman get-up. And yes, the alcohol was flowing freely . . .

My good friend Sheri came as Alex from A CLOCKWORK ORANGE, and despite getting lost going to and fro, the night was a lot of fun.

We now return to your regularly scheduled programming . . .

Voodoo Gets a New Spin...

2011-10-30T15:50:00.000-04:00

SACRIFICE by Wrath James White (2011 Sinister Grin Press / 174 pp / tp)

Detective John Malloy is called to a most unusual crime scene: it appears some poor soul has been eaten alive by his dog...and every other animal who happened to be close enough to take a bite out of him at the time. While investigating the case, Malloy and his partner are called to a crime in progress: this time a group of young school children are savagely attacking their teacher...along with all types of animals and insects. Soon after this, a former heavyweight fighter is attacked in a similar manner.

Along with these bizarre murders, Malloy and his partner Mohammed Rafik are also attempting to locate several missing young girls. When they pay a visit to the parents of one missing girl, they find no pictures of the child anywhere in the home...but they do discover a picture of the parents with a woman who they eventually learn turns out to be a voodoo priestess named Delilah.

SACRIFICE is a brutal, action-packed horror yarn with two flawed but likeable detectives and a cast that's equally as interesting. Its take on voodoo is quite different from anything I've read before, giving Delilah a different vibe from other voodoo-novel antagonists (such as the Haitian Voudon in THE EVIL and THE EVIL RETURNS by Hugh B. Cave). And despite it's short 174 pages, this one also manages to double as a sequel (of sorts) to Wrath's 2009 novel, THE RESURRECTIONIST. With lean, tight prose, a satisfying conclusion and a few choice surprises, Wrath has unleashed yet another solid genre read.

MicPocalypse...

2011-10-25T20:52:00.000-04:00

KARAOKE DEATH SQUAD by Eric Mays (2011 Copeland Valley Press / 308 pp / tp)

Odie Wharton is a hot shot on the underground karaoke bar scene in Baltimore. Along with his off-the-wall friends, karaoke is not only something they do to kill time...it's everything from a serious sport, to a way to make extra cash...it's their way of life. Their world is thrown into chaos when three beautiful Russian women show up one night and seemingly put the place into a trance with their rendition of Nancy Sinatra's 'These Boots are Made for Walkin'.' Odie and his crew quickly discover there's more to these women than good voices and hot bodies when they begin to show signs of superhuman strength and other-worldly powers.

When one of Odie's crew goes missing after leaving with two of the girls, and when a few of his male buddies become pregnant after a wild shag session, an all-out war is on between our karaoke heroes and these sexy-but-evil dames...

With Russian mobsters, a quiet man who works origami in unusual ways, and a sexy cougar who--along with her hot teenage daughter--work their karaoke like a true art, KARAOKE DEATH SQUAD is loaded with irresistible characters and often hysterical situations. Mays' witty and inventive prose keeps the pages flipping, and his use of popular songs (and how they're sung by certain people) had me in stitches.

This action-packed novel full of slackers, sluts, and succubbi is easily one of the most entertaining novels this year. It might even inspire you to pick up a microphone...

(There's a GREAT bonus after the novel...Mays' special top ten lists to keep in mind the next time you hit your local pub!).

THE APOCALYPSE Arrives June, 2012...

2011-10-24T21:41:00.000-04:00

...THE APOCALYPSE OF PETER, that is, my latest novella to be released by Damnation Books. I'll be posting more info as it becomes available, but suffice it to say, this 20K novella is "The End of the World as You've NEVER known it!"

Who are the People in Your. . .

2011-10-20T21:16:00.000-04:00

THE NEIGHBORHOOD by Kelli Owen (2011 Thunderstorm Books / 106 pp / mini-tp)

In this brief novella, Owen introduces us to the small town of Neillsville, where everyone knows each other's business and there seems to be little-to-no crime. But when Mary finds a young girl's finger in his son's pocket while doing laundry, THE NEIGHBORHOOD becomes a dark mystery with countless suspects, including a demanding school bus driver and a pedophile who has recently moved to the area. The first half of the novella sort-of reminded me of classic Bentley Little and there's plenty of suspense.

A second victim's body is discovered underneath an old foot bridge (and if you hate heights as much as I do you'll be cringing during the prior chapter), making even the most innocent among the townsfolk seem guilty.

Owen's novella is an enjoyable read, although it seems like part of a much bigger story; we get to meet several tight-knit small town people who I wanted to get to know better, and there's much potential for more Neillsville short stories or even a novel. I'll be keeping an eye out for more...

THIS is How it's Done...

2011-10-15T00:06:00.002-04:00

ROUGH CUT by Brian Pinkerton (2011 Bad Moon Books / 366 pp / tp)

Harry Tuttle directed a few popular horror films in the 80s. Since then he has been churning out bad, low budget features, many which go direct to DVD or cable TV, barely keeping a cult following. When his ex-wife marries a hot-shot Hollywood director and begins to get famous, he becomes inspired to get back on track. The problem is, Harry finally comes to the realization that he just doesn't have it anymore. He has become a hack.

One day he screens a new film given to him by a young wanna-be director. The film, 'Deadly Desires,' blows Harry away; it's the most realistic, scary horror film he's seen in ages. He strikes a deal with the new director (Marcus Stegman) to release the film, only with himself credited as director. Marcus--badly in need of cash--eventually agrees. Sure enough, Deadly Desires becomes a huge hit, and Harry's career seems back on track, bigger and better than before.

When a popular film critic interviews Harry, he also watches a screener DVD of Deadly Desires, and becomes convinced one of the kill scenes is too real to have been faked. And when no one can get in touch with the actress who dies on film, all hell breaks loose: Harry realizes he has bought a genuine snuff film, and Marcus is currently at work on another one, this time targeting Harry's new girlfriend who also happens to be an actress.

ROUGH CUT features a well-crafted plot, tight writing, and a fantastic level of suspense. Although aimed at a horror audience, this novel will also be enjoyed by fans of thrillers and crime fiction. It's apparent Pinkerton has done his homework here: his portrayal of the ins and outs of the film business kept me as interested in the proceedings as the ever-growing tension. You won't be bored for a second.

Hmmmmm....

2011-10-13T18:34:00.001-04:00

In 1987, Spanish cult film legend Jess Franco released FACELESS, about a plastic surgeon gone mad.

2011. Spanish art-house director Pedro Almodovar releases THE SKIN I LIVE IN, about a slightly off-balanced plastic surgeon.

Hmmmmmmmm. . . . .

Good, Edgy YA...

2011-10-13T17:39:00.000-04:00

ANNA DRESSED IN BLOOD by Kendare Blake (2011 Tor Teen / 316 pp / hc)

In author Blake's world, there are two kinds of ghosts: the passive type and the murderous. Cas Lowood is a teenager living with his mom who has inherited a rare gift from his late father: the ability to "re-kill" murderous ghosts with a special knife handed down to him. Called to rid a small west coast town of a mysterious ghost known as Anna, things take a rough turn when Cas finds himself unable to kill her...especially after they begin to develop feelings for one another.

It turns out a strange spirit creature has been causing Anna to kill...one of her victims a popular jock named Mike whose friends are now furious, although they reluctantly help Cas deal with the Anna situation. Along with a cute, popular girl from school, his friend Thomas and his occult-hippie uncle, Mike's 2 jock friends, and even his white witch mother, whose herbal spells help protect the group.

I don't read much Young Adult fiction, and was surprised by the amount of violence and profanity here...it's definitely not for younger teens. While I enjoyed ghost hunter Cas, it was Anna's character and back story that held my interest. She's an innocent girl--eternally stuck in her teenage years that ended horribly in 1958--transformed into a monster by an evil "Obeahman" which the group battles at the exciting conclusion.

ANNA DRESSED IN BLOOD is a fun, quick read, good to whip through this coming Halloween season. Nothing groundbreaking...but good.

A Bigger, GROSSER Centipede

2011-10-11T18:36:00.000-04:00

My review of the controversial new film, THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 2: FULL SEQUENCE is now live at:

CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT

You've been warned!

Cinema's Most Hysterical Moments (Part One)

2011-10-09T21:53:00.002-04:00

THE MOST SINISTER NAMES IN THE UNDERWORLD...

WILLIAM HUMMERS: Wanted by the police for bank robbery, assault with a deadly weapon, murder, and getting naked in front of his in-laws.

FRANKIE WOLFE: Wanted by federal authorities for dancing with the mailman.

A.D. ARMSTRONG: Wanted all over the country for arson, robbery, assault with intent to kill, and marrying a horse.

VIRGIL STARKWELL: Although he didn't make criminal of the year, he did make the FBI's top ten most wanted list. Has been accused of robbery, intent to kill, possession of a false firearm, and theft of a mini-car.

(From Woody Allen's directorial debut, TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN [1969] )

And Yet ANOTHER Good Horror Comedy...

2011-10-09T19:37:00.002-04:00

I finally got around to seeing MURDER PARTY, having missed its 2007 limited theatrical run in NYC. After just watching the brilliant TUCKER AND DALE VS. EVIL, I was weary that this would'nt be half as funny.

While not hysterical, MURDER PARTY has its share of laughs and features a simple but clever premise: a nerdy male meter maid finds an invite for a "Murder Party" while walking home on Halloween. He whips up a knight costume with a cardboard-box and duct tape and heads to the bash. Nearly seconds after he arrives, he's tied to a chair by a group of psycho artists, who plan to kill him and paint/film it in an attempt to get grant money from hot shot artist Alexander. Despite the fact everyone's been doing tons of cocaine and weed, Alexander makes everyone shoot up with truth serum, and all hell quickly breaks loose when everyone's true feelings come out...and when they discover Alexander is a fraud.

Star Christopher S. Hawley does a fine job as the nerdy lead in the lame costume, and every artist is quite entertaining, especially Bill, who finds out everyone hates his art and goes totally ballistic in his Baseball Furies costume, hacking everyone in his path up with an ax. The coked-up Lexi (played by singer Stacey Rock) looks great in her Liquid Sky-meets-The Fifth Element get-up, and Macon (with a werewolf mask that gets melted to his face) is quite funny as he chases the escaping Chris around with an electric chainsaw (!), continually re-plugging it in as he goes (bringing to mind the famous cello-marching band sequence from TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN (1969) ).

The final ax vs. chainsaw duel between Chris and Bill in a still-life art gallery is as gory as it is funny, and the post reaction from a few artsy-fartsy types when they discover the room full of corpses is a riot.

Two things would've made this a bit better: one is the seemingly endless truth-serum sequence, that could have easily been cut in half, and they could have done SO much more when Alexander's dog finds and consumes an entire bag of crank-cocaine. The shot of the pooch chomping the drugs reminded me of the infamous horse-coke-snort from BACHELOR PARTY...but the end results weren't nearly as funny.

Otherwise, MURDER PARTY is a lot of fun, features some great commentary against New York's snobby art community, and the DVD has some fun extras, including old shot-on-video "films" the director and cast members made when they were teenagers. Makes a fine Halloween-party viewing.

Actor William Lacey in his first role as psycho artist Bill (gotta LOVE that costume!)

Lexi (Stacey Rock) plays dominoes while snorting more blow than Scarface.

Chris (Christopher S. Hawley) as the chainsaw-wielding cardboard knight

Lexi, Sky (Skei Saulnier), and Paul (Paul Goldblatt) contemplate how they're going to kill Chris at the onset of MURDER PARTY.

An EPIC Gets Underway...

2011-10-07T19:48:00.001-04:00

HELLHOLE by Brian Herbert and Kevin J. Anderson (2011 TOR / 532 pp / hc)

After a five-year struggle against the corrupt governent of the Constellation, General Tiber Maximilian Adolphus fails to win a crucial battle for the key planet of Sonjeera. But instead of execution, Diadem Michella Duchenet decides to exile him to a bleak planet located in the Deep Zone, a (mostly) unexplored space region comprised of fifty-four planets. Adolphus accepts her decision, despite the Diadem labeling the planet "Hallholme" after the man responsible for defeating him.

Flash forward ten years.

General Adolphus has managed to survive Hallholmes' brutal and unpredictable weather patterns and scarce resources. Other criminals, outcasts, and defectors to the Constellation are welcome at Hallholme, and most of them pledge their allegiance to Adolphus.

While the planet is known as "Hellhole" throughout the Dead Zone and the Crown Jewel Worlds, the strong manage to survive--and Adolphus begins to plan a way to fight back against the Diadem and General Hallholme, a man who used a barbaric tactic to win the Battle of Sonjeera. He also manages to get most of the planets in the Deep Zone to back his cause.

This first of Herbert & Anderson's planned three-part epic moves forward quickly: two men hired by Adolphus to explore Hallholme discover an ancient alien race. The Xayans--natives to Hallholme until an asteroid strike ruined their planet 500 years ago--have survived in mercury-like pools, waiting centuries for someone to find them. When Vincent's friend Fernando falls into a pool, he's "possessed" by one of the aliens. Fernando (and Zairic, his Xayan host) now share Fernando's body, and with Adolphus' permission, persuade other humans to help resurrect the Xayan race. With super-human powers (including telemancy), the Xayans become allies with the Adolphus in his quest...and the stage is set to battle the Constellation's massive army in the next installment.

HELLHOLE is chock-full of interesting characters, is packed with political and intergalactic intrigue, features bizarre religious cults, and has a couple of unusual romances behind the action. There's also four surviving native Xayans who get discovered; with their humanoid/catepillar-like bodies and artistic, philosophic ways, there's a lot of promise with them for the next two novels.

While some readers found this tedious and typical, I was sucked right in, and trekked through its 500+ pages in no time (I'm assuming HELLHOLE's negative reviews came from anal-retentive fans of "epic" scifi...something I only partake in on occassion).

Here's hoping the authors take this fine introduction and make the series explode...

A Horror Comedy that WORKS!

2011-10-04T17:21:00.000-04:00

L.L. Soares and myself take a look at TUCKER AND DALE VS. EVIL, currently showing in limited theatrical release and on most Pay per View services:

CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT: Tucker and Dale vs. EVIL!

An Answer for Some New Friends/Followers/Fans...

2011-09-30T17:25:00.002-04:00

I have over 2,050 “friends” on Facebook. Over 500 “followers” on Twitter. And I’m assuming a few who still visit my MySpace page, although I haven’t been active there in well over a year. Several of these fine friends/followers/ (and what I’d like to believe are FANS) have asked me about this blog.

“How come you don’t blog about your writing?” is a popular question I’m asked.

To put it simply, I like to blog about the countless books I read and films I see. I’m not sure how much about my writing I can blog about without losing fans by putting them to sleep. And being I’m not an emotional guy, I don’t offer too many personal rants, nor do I like to get political or religious here, as—being an independent conservative—I just don’t have time to field annoyed emails and comments. (I wrote one heart-felt piece about my late mother a few years ago on my old blog, which seemed to be a favorite. Check it out here: Remembering Bunny )

With that said, I was recently asked to write a guest column about writing for the NEW ENGLAND HORROR WRITERS blog. If you’re interested, you can read it here: How Location Writing Worked for One Author

The NEXT question I’m often asked is when I’m going to have something new out. It’s been over 2 years since my debut novel DON OF THE DEAD was published, and since then I’ve been busy shopping around my second novel, writing a third, and most recently have begun writing a novel in collaboration with author L.L. Soares. (Don’t forget folks: I also run a small press, edit THE HORROR FICTION REVIEW monthly e-zine, work a full time day job, and have a new puppy to deal with on top of my fatherly and husbandly duties!). But enough excuses:

I recently announced that my new novella, THE APOCALYPSE OF PETER, was sold to Damnation Books, so expect to see that around the spring of 2012 in trade paperback as well as eBook form. It’s my bizarro/dark fantasy take on the end times that I’m hoping goes over well with a cross-genre audience. Also, I’m thrilled to be part of the mammoth non-fiction slasher film book, BUTCHER KNIVES & BODY COUNTS, edited by Vince Liguano for Dark Scribe Press. Along with 70+ other contributors, I look at the 1981 film NIGHTMARE, directed by Romano Scavolini, a film I’ve been raving over since seeing it on a double bill with MOTHER’S DAY back in 1982. You can order a copy of this 490-paged doorstop right here: Butcher Knives & Body Counts

The adventurous among you can order the film, NIGHTMARE, just recently released in a proper DVD treatment by the folks at CODEREDDVD right here: NIGHTMARE 30th Anniversary DVD

I’ve also been invited to write for 4 horror anthologies, and I’ll have more news about those as they become available.

So…thanks to my new friends/followers/fans for the questions and interest, and feel free to visit my small press’ page ( NOVELLO PUBLISHERS ) and keep coming back here for more reviews than you can shake a stick at!

And maybe…JUST maybe, I’ll get the itch to deliver a writing blog as the demand grows…

Yet Another COMIC GEEK UPDATE...

2011-09-30T11:42:00.000-04:00

In the 4th issue of this 5-issue mini-series, Koji gets his father to let them try to fix a battle-worn MechaGodzilla in their war against the mob, while...

...the 6th issue of KINGDOM OF MONSTERS features the Obama-like U.S. President granting permission for an all-new MechaGodzilla to be built in Detroit in an attempt to battle the world-wide monster invasion.

I'm assuming the final issue of GANGSTERS AND GOLIATHS as well as the next KOM will be must-reads for MechaGodzilla fans...

(NOTE TO IDW: PLEASE stop with the 4-variant covers per issue---they're annoying!)

While I enjoyed DC's epic DARKEST NIGHT and BRIGHTEST DAY mini series, this 3-issue "Aftermath" was easily an attempt to milk the series' popularity a bit longer. While interesting for SWAMP THING FANS, fans of the aforementioned series didn't miss too much.

Gwen's zombie-hunting boyfriend FINALLY discovers she's a zombie. And while this issue acts as a catch-up for newer readers, it's still one of the most entertaining comics on the market. The retro-looking artwork never gets old, either.

The ROAD OF KINGS series gets back to business as Conan finds himself caring for a young girl. He takes her along on his quest, which leads them to an underground lair filled with countless over-sized creepy crawlers. The action comes fast and furious in this satisfying installment, marred only by Mike Hawthorne's sloppy and silly-looking artwork (although I liked his renderings of the undead in the final panel's zombie attack). Seriously, DARK HORSE...CONAN has been one of your best titles for years. PLEASE get rid of this guy and give our favorite Cimmerian an artist worthy of the quality of the comic.

The Worm Detective...

2011-09-28T18:31:00.001-04:00

THE BONE WORMS by Keith Minnion (2011 Cemetery Dance Publications / 156 pp / eBook)

Having recently raved over Minnion's short story collection, IT'S FOR YOU, I was happy to see one of my favorites ('Up in the Boneyard') turned into a short novel. Minnion takes a classic horror set up (an ancient evil comes back to haunt the present day) and makes it work.

In 1921 and 1922, two young boys are affected by The Boneyard, a mystical realm that exists about twenty stories in the air over a certain section of Pittsburgh. Flash ahead to 1983, where a series of grisly (and strange) murders have police baffled: it seems some lunatic is managing to steal his or her victims' bones while leaving the flesh behind with precision-neat slices in the skin; first responders to the crime scenes are also discovering organs and muscles neatly stacked in a separate corner of the room. Enter Detective Sergeant Francis Lomax, a straight-up cop haunted by his father's lack of faith in him. Francis happens to see things at each crime scene others don't, and with the help of a geeky librarian, manages to get on the tail of the killer...or killers...or thing(s).

THE BONE WORMS can be read in a sitting or two, will give those afraid of heights the willies, and supplies plenty of suspense and gut-wrenching violence. In the hands of a lesser author, this standard plot could have easily gone south, but somehow Minnion makes it seem fresh. Check it out.

Kung Fu Cheerleaders JUST SAY NO!

2011-09-21T23:48:00.002-04:00

The latest installment of my column SUBURBAN GRINDHOUSE MEMORIES is now LIVE right here:

SGM Vol. 36: LOVELY BUT DEADLY (1981)

Enjoy...

Run Those Bastards Down!

2011-09-17T12:39:00.000-04:00

THE DRIVER'S GUIDE TO HITTING PEDESTRIANS by Andersen Prunty (2011 Lazy Fascist Press / 98 pp / tp)

Prunty (a man who is happiest while napping in his tennis shoes) deilvers this collection of Bizarro short stories that range from the TRULY bizarre to the truly hysterical (and usually a combo of the two).

Among the more memorable are the epic title story, a sort-of take on DEATH RACE 2000 featuring an odd guy who spends most of his life in his van; 'Architecture' deals with a man who decides to build something truly different; 'Napper" is one of the funniest pieces here as Prunty shows off his classic Bizarro chops; 'The Balloonman's Secret' features an oddly out-of-place happy ending; I couldn't get enough of the idea behind 'Reading Manko' and neither will you if you're cool; 'Rivalry' takes neighborly scuffles to a new level, and 'Divorce' is classic Bizarro that readers either get or run away from crying.

Even the couple of semi-predictable tales fit in here and are satisfying.

While I enjoy prunty's novels, his shorts make for some good rapid-fire reading until the next one is unleashed.

My Bizarro/Apocalyptic Novella sold!

2011-09-17T11:18:00.000-04:00

I'm thrilled to announce my 20K novella, THE APOCALYPSE OF PETER, has been sold. More details when contracts are signed. I've been shopping this one around for just over a year and finally found a publisher who doesn't consider it "Too weird" or "NOT weird enough."

When my happy dance ends I shall continue working on my 3rd novel as well as a new collaborative novel with the amazing L.L. Soares...

Easily One of the Best of 2011

2011-09-17T11:04:00.002-04:00

FOR EMMY by Mary SanGiovanni (2011 Thunderstorm Books / 107 pp / tp)

Dana is Emmy's older sister, and they spend their after-school hours helping their father around his small book store. One day Emmy goes missing from right under there noses. With this simple premise the author takes us on a crash course of missing persons cases that branches into issues many may have never considered. Within these short 107 pages I found more food for thought and downright eeriness than in just about all of the 60+ books I've read so far this year.

SanGiovanni's novella dealing with a missing five year-old girl did something few horror stories do (even of its ilk): it actually scared me. And after all, isn't that what horror fiction is supposed to do? Try reading this one alone late at night and you just might agree. I can't recommend this one highly enough.

(NOTE: This review will also be appearing in the October Edition of THE HORROR FICTION REVIEW).

PREVIEW: Well Done Small Town Mystery

2011-09-15T17:19:00.000-04:00

IN THE BLEAK MIDWINTER by M.R. Sellars (To Be Released November, 2011 by Willow Tree Press / 327 pp / hc, tp, and eBook)

Special Agent Constance Mandalay is assigned to a case in the small town of Hulis, Missouri. She's the latest in a string of FBI agents who have spent the past seven Christmas seasons attempting to uncover a murder that occurs each year--each one identical to a brutal crime that happened at the same location back in 1975.

Agent Mandalay has her share of suspects as everyone in Hulis seems to be holding back information. Sheriff Addison "Skip" Carmichael (who was a rookie deputy at the time of the '75 murder) seems helpful and friendly enough, but Mandalay fears he, too, isn't telling her everything he knows about the case.

This is the first novel from Sellars to feature Constance Mandalay as a main character (she has appeared in Sellars' best-selling "Rowan Gant Investigation' series), and while she's not a typical over-the-top crime-novel detective, the author does a fine job with her as a straight-shooting agent (it was actually refreshing to see a cop without heavy past or present demons or addictions for a change). Perhaps after the odd events she has endured in this novel, Sellars now has a bit more of a dark edge to grow the character from.

IN THE BLEAK MIDWINTER is a well written mystery with a paranormal slant. The gruesome murders and child-abuse back story will keep the attention of any fan of dark fiction. It's difficult to put down and will make a satisfying, spooky ready on a cold night this coming holiday season.

I'm looking forward to more from Sellars and Special Agent Mandalay.

(This review will also be featured in the October Edition of THE HORROR FICTION REVIEW)

Beastial Beasties Beat it HARD!

2011-09-15T00:13:00.000-04:00

BESTIAL: WEREWOLF APOCALYPSE by William D. Carl (2008 Permuted Press / 298 pp / tp)

I finally got around to reading Carl's 2008 action-packed monster novel, close to the eve of its re-release through Simon & Schuster this December, 2011.

When a bunch of hoods hold up a bank in Cincinatti, things take a wickedly bad turn when the city is attacked by werewolf-like creatures. Head thug Rick and head bank teller Chesya manage to survive the assault inside the bank's vault. But when they emerge the next morning, they find their city in ruins.

Across town, a teenage runaway squatter named Christian thinks he knows what's going on. It seems one of his Johns was a wealthy Frenchman who also worked at a bio lab. When things seem safe outside of his building, he locates the man's lab and finds a notebook that may hold some answers to the devastation. And finally, a middle-aged housewife is on a mission to find her lost son after receiving a telephone call from him amidst the chaos (while several end-time novels use this search-for-the-missing-kid subplot, this time it's done quickly and doesn't take much space).

Despite a couple of end-of-the-world scenarious that will be familiar to fans of the subgenre, BESTIAL has a relentless pace that forced me to finish it in two sittings. And the werewolves aren't your typical werewolves; they also show signs of being part bear and part tiger, giving them a faster, stronger, and more lethal edge. Carl also manages to flesh out his characters while keeping the action flying at a nearly non-stop pace, making me long to see more of them in the two promised sequels.

Apocalyptic novels have saturated the horror fiction scene over the past eight years or so...but when they're as well done as BESTIAL, it's easy to see why fans keep begging for more.

She Mates . . . THEN She Terminates!

2011-09-07T22:23:00.000-04:00

My latest edition of SUBURBAN GRINDHOUSE MEMORIES is now LIVE over at CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT. Check out my piece on the 1989 Indonesian action-trash classic, LADY TERMINATOR!

CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT: Lady Terminator

Top Notch Crime/Horror Novella

2011-09-06T22:41:00.000-04:00

SAMSON AND DENIAL by Robert Ford (2011 Thunderstorm Books / 126 pp / tp)

Ford's supernatural crime novella is a quick, tight read with absolutely ZERO filler.

When Sammy (a Philadelphia street kid who now owns a pawn shop) finds his brother brutally murdered at the hands of the Russian mob (who have also kidnapped his wife), he's on a mission to get her back regardless of the overwhelming odds. Along with his huge Desert Eagle handgun, Sammy's surprise weapon turns out to be a mummified head a junkie unloaded at his shop.

With smart street-wise dialogue, brutal violence, and even an all-female underground religious cult right out of a Jodorowsky film, SAMSON AND DENIAL reads like a pulpy b-movie without the unintentional laughs; it's a serious tale that'll appeal to horror and crime fans alike. Great stuff.

Hooper's Debut Novel is EHhhh...

2011-09-06T19:43:00.002-04:00

MIDNIGHT MOVIE by Tobe Hooper with Alan Goldsher (2011 Three Rivers Press / 316 / tp)

There's always a roll of the eyes when a famed horror film director tries his hand at a novel (Wes Craven, anyone?). When I heard Tobe Hooper--director of my all time favorite horror film, THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE--had written one, I couldn't wait to get my hands on it, especially after hearing that one of my buddies HATED it and another LOVED it.

For the first 100 pages, MIDNIGHT MOVIE had me hook, line, and sinker. The pace was nice, the initial idea seemed great (a screening of an unseen Hooper film shot in his teenaged years somehow causes America to become a zombieland) But right after this set-up section, the novel goes in several different directions, and I spent most of the time wondering if Hooper (and co-writer Goldsher) could bring it all together in the final act.

They do and they don't.

While I enjoyed Tobe Hooper as the protagonist (as well as the group of misfits who help him re-film his lost epic), and REALLY liked how the zombies are so in the background you hardly know they're there, there were so many other things going on I had a hard time staying focused on the story: besides the zombies, why did the screening of the film cause mass terrorist attacks and outbreaks of sexual frenzy? And just who were carrying out these attacks? The zombies, or some kind of splinter cells? Is not a zombie invasion enough? The authors seriously should've trimmed this thing down a bit (even at just over 300 pages, 75 could've easily been chopped without losing anything).

While the novel works fine as a metaphor for Hooper's views on the Hollywood system, and will make independent film makers proud of what they do, MIDNIGHT MOVIE--in the end--is a so-so offering that starts out fantastic then looses steam as it unfolds (the quick and blah conclusion doesn't help, despite some ends being decently tied up).

For Hooper fanatics only.

Why I HATE Bootlegs...

2011-09-05T21:44:00.000-04:00

LOOKS like I got what I deserved! I've always HATED bootlegs, but when I saw a rare blaxploitation/exorcist rip-off from 1974 titled ABBY, I simply couldn't resist. So I gambled $10.00 and slid the GORE-GEOUS-looking DVD into my bag.

I watched the first 45 minutes tonight when suddenly the film stops and the last 20 minutes of 1957's THE AMAZING COLOSSAL MAN comes on. Then 1958's sequel WAR OF THE COLOSSAL BEAST splashes across my TV in it's entirety, THEN the final 15 minutes of Fulci's THE GATES OF HELL (a.k.a. CITY OF THE LIVING DEAD) plays out to the disbelief and laughs of my wife and son.

May the woman who sold me this DVD at HORRORFIND have her armpits infested with the fleas of a thousand camels then get hit by a truck.

I HATE bootlegs now more than ever...

A Quick Report from HORRORFIND WEEKEND 13

2011-09-05T09:24:00.000-04:00

While I've been attending horror conventions since 1985, this was only the second year I've been to HORRORFIND down in Gettysburg, PA. Unlike the more famous (and crowded) cons run by FANGORIA and CHILLER THEATRE, HORRORFIND features a nice BLEND of horror film makers and actors, as well as horror writers. Among the guest signings and picture takings, HORRORFIND has a continual flow of authors reading from their works. This year (thanks to the honorable Brian Keene) I was placed on two reading panels, the first with the hysterically dark James Roy Daley. We each read a couple of shorts from our humorous horror catalogs and then signed books for an hour outside the reading room where we met lots of great people.

(That's me reading my Bentley Little tribute titled THE BOWL)

(James Roy Daley reads his demented classic, CURSE OF THE BLIND EEL...)

(At the book signing table)

The second panel I was part of was labeled BIZARRO WORLD, and featured six authors from the Bizarro genre, including Greg Hall, Eric Mays, Andersen Prunty, Jordan Krall, William Pauley III and myself. While I'm sort-of the new guy to the Bizarro thing, I was honored to read my Bizarro super-shorts alongside these nutjobs whose work I've been admiring for several years now. It was easily the most original (and entertaining, IMO) panel at the convention.

(Greg Hall, Eric Mays (standing), Andersen Prunty, Jordan Krall, William Pauley III, and yours truly getting ready to test the mental capacity of the HORRORFIND crowd)

And of course, what convention is complete without excessive drinking and partying? Saturday night was a surreal time: at the Wyndham Hotel's bar area, I discussed books and obscure films with Cemetery Dance columnist Mark Seiber and author(s) James Newman and Sheri White, as actors Sid Haig, Bill Moseley, Dee Wallace, and Ken Foree ate a Dominoes Pizza right next to us. It was also great meeting artists Macabre Noir and her crew, as well as the wonderful Kristy Jett, one of the most dedicated horror fans out there (check out her amazing t-shirt company here: FRIGHT RAGS ).

I had already met Ken Foree and Sid Haig at other conventions, so the only film celebrity I was interested in meeting was the infamous John Waters. He appeared for a two-hour signing/photo op on Friday night before performing his stand up routine. HORRORFIND dropped the ball with this one, though: the online ads said ANY convention attendee could meet John between 7-9PM, but after waiting online for over an hour, the convention staff informed us that a raffle to meet him was being held at the check in table---when I checked in and received my guest pass, NO ONE offered me a chance to meet him. FURIOUS, I ran back to the hotel lobby and explained the situation. They let me pull a tag out of a hat, and of course I received a NO, meaning I couldn't meet Mr. Waters. BUT, my best friend in the world pulled a YES and gave it to me without hesitation...hence many favors are now owed. There were PLENTY of people who couldn't get in, and were outside fuming...I'm wondering if they'll be back to HORRORFIND after this fiasco?

So I finally got to meet JOHN WATERS, the man responsible for corrupting me almost as much as George Romero and Mario Puzo. He turned out to be very nice, signed my copy of his latest book ROLE MODELS, and even told me the title of my novel (Don of the Dead) was "brilliant!" I haven't been this star-struck since I met director Herschell Gordon Lewis way back in 1991.

(Me with JOHN WATERS...life is now complete!)

I also attending a great reading by Jeremy Wagner, who read from his debut novel THE ARMAGEDDON CHORD. Jeremy spent many years as a guitarist in death metal band BROKEN HOPE (and now plays with LUPARA), and we discovered that in the late 80s/early 90s we had actually been at many of the same shows in the NYC area. I'm thrilled for this shredder who has now come into the literary world kicking ass and taking names...

(Jeremy Wagner explains the Egyptian element of his novel THE ARMAGEDDON CHORD)

It was also great to catch up with UK author Tim Lebbon, who I hadn't seen since the 2005 WORLD HORROR CONVENTION in NYC, as well as the usual suspects such as Mary SanGiovanni, James Moore, Kim Paffenroth, Bob Ford, Brian Keene, and Tom Monteleone, who shared a HYSTERICAL story of the time he and Harlan Ellison watched a group of scifi nerds at a convention in Texas destroy some redneck bar! My sides still hurt from laughing over that one...

A Great time that--of course--ended way too fast.

Dark Arts Books Strikes Again

2011-08-31T21:56:00.000-04:00

SWALLOWED BY THE CRACKS edited by Bill Breedlove and John Everson (2011 Dark Arts Books / 260 pp / tp and e-Book)

The 7th multi-author collection from Dark Arts Books is a mixed bag of ideas, but almost every one of these 16 tales is a hit.

Lee Thomas gets things off to a wild start with 'Appetite of the Cyber Tribes,' about a man who comes across a gruesome net-based group, then delivers three more winners, one a tense police prodecural and one a deeply psychological chiller about a woman who deals her own way with with an unfaitfhul spouse. GREAT stuff all around.

Next up, Gary McMahon delivers four supernatural-tinged tinglers, including 'A Night Unburdened,' about a pizza delivery man who delivers a pie to the home of his old English teacher: it's funny, sexy, and in the end downright chilling. 'The Ghost in You,' is a wonderfully different type of ghost story, as heartbreaking as it is spooky. Each McMahon tale is thoroughly satisfying.

This is the first time I've read anything by S.G. Browne, and his contributions reeled me right in. 'Dream Girls,' is a humorous look at a future time when alien DNA helps mankind to produce living sex slaves, and the one man who takes his new obsession with them way too far; 'Lower Slaughter' follows two tourists who go missing after visiting an isolated town populated with strange creatures; 'The Lord of Words' is a dark fantasy that will appeal to anyone who loves to write, and 'Dr. Lullaby' features a group of men who become unique super heros after becoming human guinea pigs for pharmaceutical companies. I LOVED Browne's comic take on things and look forward to reading more from him.

Michael Marshall Smith (another author I read here for the first time) closes the book with 'Death Light,' about a UK screenwriter who has a most unusual ordeal with the police while trying to sell a screenplay in Hollywood; I didn't know what to make of 'The Stuff that Goes on in Their Heads,' about a father trying to get to the bottom of a bully bothering his son in school. It hints at child abuse one second then abruptly ends in a way that could be taken from a few different angles. Not a bad story, but one that seems pointless. 'REMTemps' is one of the best stories of the collection, about a down and out man who learns he has the ability to "take" other people's dreams and thoughts, and is paid well for it by a mysterious company. It's dark scifi done right. 'Dave 2.0b2' is told in a chat room-style log, and deals with people attempting to get an unusual software upgrade. It's short, strange, but should have come BEFORE 'REMTemps' as it wasn't the best piece to end things on.

SWALLOWED BY THE CRACKS is another solid DARK ARTS collection, and a fine introduction to four authors who might not be familiar to everyone.

Mostly Routine, But Good

2011-08-25T22:25:00.002-04:00

ILL AT EASE by Stephen Bacon, Mark West, and Neil Williams (2011 PenMan Press / 38 pp / e-book)

This mini-collection (co-titled "Three New Stories of the Macabre") features some genuinely chilling moments, especially in the opening tale. Stephen Bacon's 'Waiting for Josh' is a quiet-type creeper, about a man who returns to his hometown where a young man had gone missing when he was a kid. Bacon's tight prose will keep you on the edge of your seat.

Mark West's 'Come See My House in the Pretty Town' is another one about a man who returns to his hometown, this time reminding me a bit of The Wicker Man. It's okay, but forgettable.

'Closer Than You Think,' by Neil Williams is a spine-tingler dealing with a haunted child's car seat (!). The idea sounds a bit silly but Williams makes it work.

ILL AT EASE is a decent little collection, featuring three well written stories and a couple of goosebumps. Mostly routine, but good.

Hormones and Whoremoans

2011-08-25T21:09:00.000-04:00

Check out my latest column at CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT: Lunch Wagon!

Vamps, Dragons, and Mega Swordplay...

2011-08-23T22:05:00.000-04:00

HUNTING THE MOON TRIBE by David Agranoff (2011 Little Lotik Books / 261 pp / tp)

Erich is a young American student of kung fu, under the teaching of Yuen Wong. He keeps having vivid dreams of a gorgeous Chinese woman, and eventually sees her in real life. Of course his friends think he's nuts...but not Wong. It turns out Erich is being called into a mystical battle between humans and vampires, and is eventually led on an adventure across the sea to a mystical Chinese realm where all kinds of creatures dwell, including dragons, headless giants and possessed trees.

It turns out the woman of Erich's dreams, Azeya, is a vampire under the control of Huwan Tu, the ruthless, power-mad leader of a vampire army bent on destroying Erich and his crew of vampire slayers, which includes turncoat Azeya as well as Yuen Wong's (now) vampiric wife.

Agranoff's novel reads lightning fast...but perhaps a bit TOO fast. The action comes at such a rapid pace the reader might get a bit dizzy (but then again, like the classic kung fu films that inspired this tale, perhaps that was the author's intention). While I enjoyed the epic feel of the plot (and thought Erich was a fine protagonist), the writing could have used a serious edit, as some of the prose could have been tightened up. But thankfully there's so much going on here you hardly have time to notice the grammatical flaws.

The sword play and vampire-bloodshed come rapidly, and the stage is set for a second novel. HUNTING THE MOON TRIBE is a neat blend of genres and Chinese mythology that'll remind you of a Saturday afternoon movie of yester-year. Fun stuff.

A Walk Down Memory Lane

2011-08-21T20:19:00.000-04:00

Renting movies is becoming a lost form of entertainment. With places such as Blockbuster Video closing at an alarming rate (and forget about those old Mom & Pop rental stores, most now long deceased), the days of browsing through video rental stores full of colorful boxes is coming to an end. Join me now as we visit those GLORIOUS days of the early-mid 1980s, when renting horror films was an (almost) daily event in my life...and of course, MOST of the times the VHS box art was better than the actual film! Here's 29 classics that have me longing for the "Good Old Days..."

BY CROM! It Was GOOD!

2011-08-20T20:50:00.001-04:00

I'm a LIFE-LONG fan of CONAN THE BARBARIAN. From the old Marvel comics to Robert E. Howard's classic stories--and yes--I even liked the 1982 AHNULD film version (although part 2 is better left forgotten). When I saw stills of new Conan JASON MOMOA, I rolled my eyes thinking this guy's too much of a pretty boy and not half as bulky as AHNULD. But bulkiness be damned...Momoa did a FANTASTIC job of playing the Cimmerian, and the barbarian way of life seemed much more authentic here than in the 1982 film.

I'm way too much of a Conan fan boy to give this thing a solid review. Suffice it to say, it follows about 5 Howard Conan stories quite closely, features countless decapitations, amuptations, battle sequences, sorcery, jiggling boobies, and enough action to wake the dead. I'm a happy camper (despite being able to pick out a few flaws that I won't even bother mentioning here).

Ron Perlman does a GREAT job as Conan's father, and the early scenes of the young Conan were fantastic. Kudos to Rose McGowen as a razor-clawed witch and Stephen Lang as her power-obsessed father, seeking godhood through an ancient mask. Rachel Nichols does okay as Conan's love-interest/woman in peril, and the CGI tentacle-creature (and sand men) weren't half bad.

I couldn't help but giggle at most of the dialogue, thinking members of MANOWAR must be having orgasms watching this film!

CONAN THE BARBARIAN delivers the skull-bashing goodness we fans of the Cimmerian have come to expect...what more do you need in a mainstream Hollywood movie?

Jason Momoa as CONAN THE BARBARIAN--he surprised me, but next time someone needs to tell the make-up people barbarians don't use hair conditioner...

S L A Y E R !

2011-08-17T22:55:00.001-04:00

THE BLOODY REIGN OF SLAYER by Joel McIver (2010 Omnibus Press / 306 pp / tp)

I don't read a lot of books about bands or musicians, but once in a while a title will grab my attention. While there's been dozens of books about metal bands such as METALLICA and BLACK SABBATH, this is the first time I saw one dedicated to L.A. thrashers SLAYER, a band I was fascinated with in my teen years. NO ONE played as fast or as heavy as they did, and all these years later they're STILL doing it (IMO) better than anyone.

McIver gives a detailed look at all of their albums, from 1983's SHOW NO MERCY right up to 2010's WORLD PAINTED BLOOD. While I didn't always agree with him (he seems to hate any song that's not played ultra-fast), McIver has a good grasp on Slayer's sound and what makes it work. SLAYER's several ep's and live albums (as well as 4 DVDs) are also looked at, but what made the book such a fun (and interesting) read are the stories of the band members themselves. Guitarist Kerry King's opinions on other bands often made me crack up laughing, and I didn't realize drummer Dave Lombardo had played so many different styles of music during his 12-year split to persue side projects. I was also surprised to learn singer/bassist Tom Araya is a practicing Catholic (!) who likes to spend his off-time listening to country music with his wife (he's also a big family man). I never knew guitarist Jeff Hanneman grew up in the punk scene, but can now understand where much of the band's aggression (and speed) come from.

My only gripe with the book was the frequent repitition: much of the dialogue is taken from interviews the author has done over the years, and in certain chapters he'll explain what a member of the band had just told us in the previous section. A better edit wouldn't have hurt.

Most interesting to me was the information on SLAYER during the 1990s, a decade where I had lost touch with them. While they only released 2 original albums during this time (the band doesn't consider their 1990 release, SEASONS IN THE ABYSS one of them as they recorded it in 1989), they contained some of the band's fiercest, most brutal tracks...and I've been enjoying going back and listening to all the mayhem I've missed. There's much info on SLAYER's second drummer, Paul Bostaph, who apparently did a fine job until Lombardo's return, and as a former drummer myself, I was pleased with how much of the book dealt with drumming in general (which is only fitting considering SLAYER's insanely fast double-bass drum tracks).

While not perfect, it's great to FINALLY have a testimony of SLAYER from their early years as a high school cover band--through their couple of drummer changes--back to the original line up who are still touring the world as one of the most beloved (and feared) acts in metal history. There's also three nice picture sections, the first featuring early gig fliers and shots of the band that'll have fans in stitches.

Waiter, There's a Fly in my Johnson!

2011-08-16T20:03:00.001-04:00

DARK SURGE by Gina Ranalli (2011 Dark Regions Press / 214 pp / tp)

Tess lives with her six year-old daughter (Hmmm--that's the 2nd book I've read this month to feature a six year-old girl!) in the wake of her husband Josh's unloyalty. His new live-in girlfriend, Gillian, puts up with Tess coming around and Josh's love for his daughter, but it seems deep down she doesn't care for his baggage.

As Tess tries to get on with life, her home starts to become infested with flies...so bad that she eventually baits the entire first floor with fly strips, only to see them covered in the annoying buggers. Meanwhile, Josh has a strange incident during urination: a painful spray of blood causes him to look down and find a maggot worming its way out of his penis. Thinking he has some kind of flu or food poisoning, Gillian keeps him in bed, but things begin to get worse when he discovers pimple-sized boils on his back that start hatching more maggots.

Tess encounters a group of homeless street kids at a library, and when she shares her problem with them, one tells her she believes it could be some kind of curse (the teen turns out to be a practicing Wiccan). Tess reluctantly goes back to them as a last-resort help, and the stage is set for a squirming, action-packed finale.

DARK SURGE has all the elements of a classic creature-feature, only this time there's the hint of an occult edge that's never fully explained: but like an episode of TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE, the missing information (especially during the conclusion) only enhances the creepiness of the tale.

Ranalli once again delivers a quick, satisfying horror tale that'll leave you squirming for more.

Those CRAZY 70s!

2011-08-13T23:14:00.000-04:00

In my never ending quest to see every obscure low budget 70s film, I came across (no pun intended) a 1972 sex comedy titled THE GODDAUGHTER, which--among other things--just might be a precursor to the current crop of adult films that parody popular movies (not to mention Nunsploitation films). Thanks to the lunatics at SOMETHING WEIRD VIDEO, this disgusting piece of cinematic slime can now be enjoyed outside of seedy urban theaters. Just make sure the kids aren't home--or your spouse for that matter!

In this goofy spoof of THE GODFATHER, Michael Carrione (!) is the Don--one who is "A f___ing faggot!" according to a member of a rival family who are in attendance at the Don's sister's west coast wedding. Before you can say INEPT ACTING, a topless woman pops out of a cake and whacks the don by putting a bullet between his eyes. Said rival family threatens the Carrione's to replace the faggy Don or THEY'LL take over. The Carrione's learn that the Don has an illegitimate daughter back in Italy, and she comes to America to continue the family business...with one slight catch: she's a nun! And after the rival family rapes and crucifies her (yeah, this thing gets a bit sick, although none of the violence is convincing), Toni Carrione vows revenge by employing a group of nuns who each have a secret weapon: big booby legend Ushi Diggard (not credited for some reason) offs one gangster by smothering him to death with her mammoth mellons, then shoots another guy in the head with a bullet from her nipple (don't ask). Another girl, with a mouth full of metal teeth, castrates two guys (mind you this was 33 years before a similar scene in 2001 MANIACS), and yet another girl strangles one guy to death with her hair as she shoots another guy in the brain with a gun hidden in her ass. And Toni Carrione herself slides a poison needle into her crotch to off a lesbian family turncoat. Unbelievable...

Add to this the sleaziest movie producer ever to grace a film (fitted with a HUGE fake johnson to make him live up to his nickname), a 70s-style orgy that's scarier to look at than a hitman's gun pointed in your face, and rapid-fire classic dialogue that'll make you want to grab a pen and paper.

Somehow this softcore sex comedy managed to stick in (again, no pun intended) some flashes of hardcore, guaranteeing the film will never be seen on late night cable.

While nowhere near as entertaining as last summer's re-discovered lost 1981 mafia flick, GONE WITH THE POPE, THE GODDAUGHTER is an interesting piece of grindhouse trash for mob film completists with little to no conscience.

Two members of the Carrione family make plans...

They tried to capture the feel of THE GODFATHER's classic wedding scene...and came up MUCHO short!

Mario Carrione (a.k.a. The Gay Don!)

Mario after being whacked by a topless cake girl

DO NOT mess with the Carrione girls!

Toni Carrione may be a nun, but she has NO problem whacking those who oppose The Family...

Hitmen and nun mobsters: WHAT were they smoking in 1972?

A rival family member is shot in the head...the gun was carefully concealed in a woman's booty. You've been warned.

KIN is a MUST Read

2011-08-13T22:46:00.000-04:00

I recently had the absolute pleasure of reviewing Kealan Patrick Burke's forthcoming novel, KIN. Check out my review at THE CROW'S CAW

Enjoy...

A Little Little Goes a Long Way...

2011-08-10T21:25:00.000-04:00

URSA MAJOR by John R. Little (2011 Bad Moon Books / 88 pp / tp)

Little follows a string of fantastic time-travel novellas with a suspense-filled action yarn, this time pitting a man and his girlfriend's 6-year old daughter against an 8-foot tall grizzly bear at an isolated cabin. In classic Little style, we get plenty of great writing jammed into this 70-paged novella, and an ending that'll rip your heart out. But that's all I can say about this short work without giving anything away.

There's also a 10-paged (!) introduction by Gene O'Neill and Gord Rollo that's quite funny, but at $15.00, few outside of the serious collector's market will get to read this.

More GODZY Goodness!

2011-08-10T21:23:00.000-04:00

More all-out monster mayhem in the 5th issue of IDW's GODZILLA: KINGDOM OF MONSTERS. More of the same as what came before, but it looks like it's leading somewhere good. Rodan in Russia! Godzilla and Anguirus grapple in L.A.! Battra in France! Can't wait to see what comes next...

What looked to be a ridiculous idea has proven itself to be anything but in the second issue of IDW's GODZILLA: GANGSTERS AND GOLIATHS. This time the thug who kidnapped Mothra's twin girl keepers is using Mothra to wipe out the Tokyo underworld...and again, as silly as it sounds this thing is actually WORKING! Great script here and plenty of places for the tale to go.

LOVIN' these new GODZY comics...

A Multi-Genre Collection that's DEAD-ON

2011-08-08T18:04:00.000-04:00

IT'S FOR YOU & OTHER DARK SPECULATIONS by Keith Minnion (2011 White Noise Press / 304 pp / tp)

For the past several years I've been enjoying the artwork of Keith Minnion; he's one of those artists whose style is instantly recognizable. He has also designed and produced some of the best-looking chapbooks I've ever seen through his small press.

Imagine my surprise when I discovered this busy artist was also a writer. Don't you just HATE show-offs?

It turns out Minnion's stories have been published in some top-notch markets (dating back to the late 70s) and the best of his chops are collected here in IT'S FOR YOU & OTHER DARK SPECULATIONS.

After an introduction by Norman Prentiss, we're thrown into 19 stories that span several genres (most with a dark edge). Among my favorites are 'On the Midwatch,' a creepy scifi tale set at sea in the North Atlantic; 'Up in the Boneyard,' about an old man who had accidentally discovered a strange portal while flying in 1913--and in 1986 has found a way to get back to it; 'Empire State,' an apocalyptic yarn set in 2238 on a post-flooded earth; 'Bushidio' deals with odd goings-on aboard an interstellar ship (and reminded me of a classic tale you'd find in HEAVY METAL magazine). 'Room to Let,' while similar to 'Up in the Boneyard,' is another take on a mystical doorway, this time full of interesting oddballs.

The final story (which was also released this year as a chapbook by Cemetery Dance Publications), 'Island Funeral,' is easily the best of the crop. Great atmosphere and a solid cast drive this heart-breaking account of a man trying to keep his deceased wife's final wish.

Minnion's pen is as sharp as his pencil (most stories here are even accompanied by a character's portrait, drawn by the author) and his prose as smooth as his strokes. IT'S FOR YOU is a fine showcase of one truly talented individual; BUT...can he also dance? (It wouldn't surprise me in the least at this point).

YET Another Comic Geek Update...

2011-08-03T20:29:00.000-04:00

Dark Horse's reboot of CREEPY reaches it's 6th issue, and the truly CREEPY cover art represents a tale titled 'Commedia Dell'Morte,' which turned out to be the best story of the issue (no easy feat considering the opening horror/western is written by the legendary Joe R. Lansdale). Hats off to author Christopher A. Taylor for one of the finest stories in all of this new run (artist Jason Shawn Alexander--who also did the cover--gets the clown-terror willies going quite well, too). Kevin Ferrara's pencils look great in 'The Wreck,' despite Alice Henderson's familiar story line. This issue's 'Loathsome Lore' section deals with Hitler's kinky niece and the woman the ILSA films were based on, and for some reason the editors decided to end this installment with a reprint from an old issue of EERIE (go figure). Dark Horse continues to deliver the fun for those who miss the days of 60s/70s-era horror comics.

The second and final of the two-issue CONAN: ISLAND OF NO RETURN turned out to be a fantastic, classic-style Conan story, but as I mentioned in my last Comic Geek Update, Bart Sears' artwork is too sloppy and comical for such a finely written tale (PLEASE keep this guy away from our favorite Cimmerian, Dark Horse peoples!). Stjepan Sejic's cover art is beautiful, and this issue's story would've looked much better had he rendered the extreme violence and cave creature brawl. Looking forward to the regular CONAN: ROAD OF KINGS to pick up next month after a two month hiatus (and keeping my fingers crossed the long-awaited CONAN film doesn't suck!).

Superman helps Constantine get closer to finding the whereabouts of the Swamp Thing in the second issue of DC's three-issue mini-series, BRIGHTEST DAY AFTERMATH: THE SEARCH FOR SWAMP THING. The ending promises a decent final installment in the next issue, but I'm hoping DC stops with the DARKEST NIGHT/BRIGHTEST DAY thing...it ran its course and this short post-series is apparently just trying to keep a good thing going. DC: Quit while you're ahead!

iZOMBIE issues 15 and 16 are basically the same thing--but that's not to rag them. Gwen and her monster-hunting boyfriend finally rescue the were-terrier from a cave that's full of zombies, and a couple of building side-plots with Gwen's ghost and vampire friends fill in the background quite nicely. I wasn't crazy about a four-paged mini-story started a couple issues ago called THE DEAD PRESIDENTS, but in these two issues they're actually a part of the main iZombie story. As long as Vertigo keeps this up I'll have no problem with it (they even used one of the DEAD PRESIDENT characters for issue 15's cover--see above). Issue 16 ends on a doozy that'll have zombie (and Gwen) fans drooling. Been loving this series since the first issue and it shows NO signs of slowing down.

The Name Game (Volume One)

2011-08-03T01:10:00.001-04:00

I've always been a "fan" of re-titled movies, especially after renting one (back in the early days of VHS) titled:

TRAP THEM AND KILL THEM was packaged to look like one of those Third World Cannibal films (ala MAKE THEM DIE SLOWLY or CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST). And while there's plenty of gore and cannibalism, there's three-times as much nudity and sex. Why? Because this puppy was originally titled:

EMANUELLE AND THE LAST CANNIBALS is one of several euro-Emanuelle films staring the beautiful Laura Gemser (although this was the only one with extreme violence thrown into the mix). Italian sleaze legend Joe D'Amato (who was responsible for many euro gore epics, and even a gore/hardcore hybrid titled PORNO HOLOCAUST) was the man behind this...although who gave it the TRAP THEM AND KILL THEM title remains to be discovered. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED...

(AND of course, let's not forget those foreign titles!)

(Spiffy, recent 2004 DVD edition from the nutjobs at SHRIEK SHOW)

Stross Belts one out of the Park...

2011-07-30T11:20:00.000-04:00

RULE 34 by Charles Stross (2011 Ace Books / 258 pp / hc)

In this loose sequel to his 2007 novel HALTING STATE, someone (or something) is murdering (in unusual fashions) spammers across the Internet in 2035 Scotland. Inspector Liz Kavanaugh--as head of the Rule 34 squad--must track the source of these murders down, and Stross brings the suspects flying at you from every angle.

In case you don't know what "Rule 34" means, it's a "generally accepted internet rule that states pornography or sexually related material exists for any conceivable subject." And while Stross manages to pull some really funny ideas out of this (the first victim is killed by an ancient enema machine!), there was still room for him to go a bit further...but considering this is a mainstream scifi novel, perhaps he kept things right on the dividing line? And considering victims are offed by various household appliances, the author surprisingly pushes his tale at a (mostly) serious pace. (I still can't get the image of one victim shrink-wrapped to his mattress out of my head).

While some may have a problem with the Internet lingo and Scottish slang (not to mention the second-person "real-time" viewpoint), Stross makes it work; and like William Gibson's classic NEUROMANCER, there isn't much time wasted explaining the technology that's in place: the reader is required to accept it and move on (something I have NO problem doing, and something that made Stross' HALTING STATE tedious at times). Stross' near-future world features the Internet in continual personal access, and the brain-implanted mobile phones aren't so far fetched.

As a scifi police prodecural, RULE 34 moves along at a nice pace, bringing people from all walks of life together from several unusual subplots (my favorite being Anwar, a Muslim who does whatever he has to do to support his family, even when he becomes involved in international intrigue).

While I wish Stross would have given more time to the building relationship between Inspector Liz and Dorothy (perhaps we'll see that in a 3rd novel?), the perpetrator of the appliance murders took me by surprise and the novel as a whole left me satisfied.

(My only gripe: Every mention of Americans was extremely negative (but thankfully brief). I don't know if Stross is trying to tick off his American fans or not, but if this keeps up it'll be hard for me to buy another title from him, which would SUCK being he's one of my favorite authors.)

Otherwise, RULE 34 makes up nicely for Stross' less-than-stellar third Laundry novel released last summer, THE FULLER MEMORANDUM. Check it out.

The Unborn Alien Avenger!

2011-07-27T23:19:00.000-04:00

Check out my latest column over at CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT, as I take a look at the seldom-seen scifi splatter classic, HORROR PLANET (a.k.a. INSEMINOID)

Things I Learned at NECon 31

2011-07-25T10:20:00.002-04:00

Back in July of 2009, I attended my first NECON (a small gathering of horror writers and artists) in Rhode Island and have gone back each year since. Having just returned from my third, I felt it was time to reveal some things I actually learned in-between the excessive drinking and partying.

1) I need to spend much less time horsing around on social networking sites.

2) Miller Lite is made from 98% calf urine.

3) If you actually LISTEN to professionals on the panels, you can benefit from mistakes they've made in the past.

4) Rhode Island--despite the beautiful scenery--has too many leech pits.

5) The horror-fiction community (in general) is the most family-like, down-to-earth, coolest bunch of people in ANY genre.

While I came home inspired after the first two conventions, this time I had advice given to me from a couple of writers (who I've been admiring for years) that not only encouraged me to get more serious, but actually "straightened" me out a bit. Endless thanks to these two gents who shall go unnamed to protect the innocent.

BOTTOM LINE: NECon is a fantastic con that's been going strong since 1980. It's a great mix of professionals, newbies, and fans where much can be gained...despite the college-party-animal climate. Definitely try to attend at least once. I've been looking forward to next year as soon as we left the parking lot...

This year I was part of the HORROR FILM PANEL, where everyone had the chance to recommend horror films they thought all horror fans should see at least once.

Among the many friends I've made at NECon, author John Dixon is one of the funniest...you'll be seeing his name around quite soon. Now only if we can get him to partake in a real beer...

With fellow NEConers after the annual foosball tournament (I won the bronze this time, BTW). Jason Harris in the background, Monica O'Rourke on my shoulder, Sheri White in the McCartney tour shirt.

Decent...But No Real Magic

2011-07-17T20:33:00.000-04:00

MISTIFICATION by Kaaron Warren (2011 Angry Robot Books / 303 pp / tp and eBook)

Warren's latest novel deals with a young magician named Marvo (a REAL magician, not one of those phoney illusionists) who harbors some amazing powers. With his parents gone, his grandmother takes care of him, and when a bunch of thugs try to kill him, she takes the boy to a secret room in a huge house where they live for four years(!). The boy spends his days listening to his grandmother's life stories of magic, and also sneaks out daily to find them food. If you can get past this whole premise (which I had a hard time doing), you'll probably stick around for the next act, in which Marvo's grandmother dies, forcing Marvo to finally venture out into the world.

Without any formal education, Marvo fends for himself by doing whatever he can, and also by "collecting" stories from the many people he meets (there's quite a few of these stories here, some of which tried my patience to the max). He winds up in a psychiatric institution where he eventually gets into a relationship with one of the nurses. They take off and begin performing magic shows together, and as a couple continue to collect stories from everyone they come into contact with (and while some of these stories are interesting, It seems like they're here for filler).

MISTIFICATION had the potential to do alot more than it does. Marvo's powers are more discussed than actually used, and it seemed as if Warren was holding him back for some mysterious reason. While there's some fine moments (especially during Marvo's magic act at a young child's birthday party), I kept waiting for more to happen, but it never did.

In the hands of a lesser writer, I don't know if I would've made it through MISTIFICATION; Warren's prose is always smooth and tight, and I liked the whole "real magic" angle at play here, but like her novel SLIGHTS, there's that same THING going on that seems to be keeping her from unleashing that true classic I KNOW she has in her. A decent read, just don't expect too much magic...