Bacon isn't the ONLY Thing Canada Does Wrong!

After her boss Jack commits suicide, Virginia inherits his antique shop. Paul (a successful journalist) begins to investigate Jack’s suicide, he being a close friend to both the deceased and Virginia.

Strange things begin to happen when Paul comes home from work and gives his cat a bowl of milk; the cat dies, apparently the victim of poisoning. A local animal shelter comes by to collect the cat’s corpse and perform an autopsy, but when Paul heads down to the shelter for the results, they assure him no one had come by to pick up the cat. Despite the milk-poisoning attempt on his life, it doesn’t stop Paul from making himself a sandwich and letting Virginia have a sip of booze when she comes over to visit (the booze nearly kills her until Paul makes her barf in the toilet). And still, no clearance of anything else in Paul’s fridge or liquor cabinet.

And so begins the mind-numbing satanic melodrama that is THE POSSESSION OF VIRGINIA, a seldom-seen 1971 Canadian production that’s available on several online rarity sites (the copy reviewed here is quite good and comes from Luminous Film and Video Works, www.lfvw.com).

In my never-ending quest to see every Exorcist rip-off AND possession-themed film, THE POSSESSION OF VIRGINIA was said to be among the rarest of them all (although in this wonderful Internet age, I found a copy 40 seconds after reading this statement on a review site).

Paul manages to get his hands on the police photos of Jack’s suicide (he had jumped out of his apartment’s window) and has a photographer at the paper he works at enlarge them. A mysterious old woman is seen in all the photos, as well as a couple of clues that are found a bit later when Virginia herself is found hung in a local church’s stairwell (and after having to hear her attempt to sing opera while making breakfast, I actually welcomed her death).

But enough investigating for now; a friend of Paul invites him out to get his mind off Paul’s suicide, and we’re taken to a trippy early-70s pot party where Paul meets a famous pianist. They hit things off and we’re soon treated to a tedious sequence (at least 20 minutes) of the two falling in love (thank goodness for the fast forward button).

About an hour into the film Paul becomes convinced there’s some kind of underground network out there trying to kill him. Before you can say CONSPIRACY Paul finds himself a guest at a Satanic initiation ceremony (why he’s let in is anyone’s guess) where he witnesses a woman joining the sect to replace the departed Jack. To my non-surprise, it’s Virginia (yep…her suicide was an elaborately-staged hoax).

Jack goes home and doesn’t seem surprised to find the mysterious old woman from the aforementioned photographs sleeping in his bed. After checking her pulse, he turns to leave the room, giving her just enough time to spring up and jab a long knife into his back.

We then discover everyone in Paul’s life (including his new pianist girlfriend) were part of the coven Jack had abandoned.

With an opening credit sequence that’s as annoying (and almost as long) as the one in SUPERMAN: THE MOVIE (1978), English overdubbing despite the actors speaking in English, horrendous 70s fashions (turtle neck alert!) and acting bad enough to make Ed Wood proud, THE POSSESSION OF VIRGINIA is a sloppy Satanic mess that I’m sure most Canadian horror fans wish the rest of the world would forget, especially since it has NOTHING to do with possession.

If you love so-bad-their-goods, give VIRGINIA a whirl. The sane need not apply.

WHY you Should be Reading the Dark Horse Comics CONAN series

Having been a CONAN fan since the mid 70s, I've been enjoying the latest Dark Horse Comics series, CONAN THE CIMMERIAN. The latest issue (#22) begins a new 4-part adaptation of Robert E. Howard's IRON SHADOWS IN THE MOON, and dare I say this is as good and perhaps better (art and writing-wise) as anything Marvel Comics has ever produced.

This series has featured several issues where the artwork is shared, and this time Paul Lee's dark renderings of the ancient-city back-story on the opening 6 pages provides an almost surreal-feel before Tomas Giorello's to-die for blood-splattered panels kick in for the rest of the tale. Giorello's work for Conan the Cimmerian has been outstanding, and this issue is no exception.

Timothy Truman's script is well done, too: Conan has barely had time to recoup from the epic battle concluded in Issue #21 when he stumbles upon a beautiful fugitive slave and her abusive master. Before you can say DISEMBOWELMENT, Conan reluctantly takes slave girl Olivia with him as he attempts to distance himself from a land that's brought him too many bad memories. They travel by canoe to another land where they eventually discover the mysterious ancient city briefly described in this issue's introduction.

Meanwhile, the pirates known as the Red Brotherhood (who Conan is all too familiar with) are about to set anchor off the coast of the same city, promising a double-whammy in Issue #23.

If you're a Conan fan and not reading this series from Dark Horse, you're missing some of the finest Conan stories to see print in many moons. Even CROM couldn't make the next issue get here fast enough...

Who Will Save the Puppies?

FAMILY BUSINESS by Brett Williams (2010 lulu.com / 290 pp. / tp)

Erika’s hubby Steven doesn’t want children (not yet, anyway). But Erika, used to getting what she wants, decides she’s at least going to get herself a puppy—and when she fails to find the kind she wants at local pet stores and shelters, she manages to locate a place in the classified ads. She takes a ride to some backwoods pet trader and—guess what?—becomes the captive to a WRONG TURN-type of family (a demented redneck and his two sons), who end up locking her up in a cage (bringing to mind John Russo’s seldom-seen 1980 film MIDNIGHT, as well as Jack Ketchum’s OFF SEASON).

And just where is Erika’s hubby during all this? Doing the horizontal mambo with one of his girlfriends, unaware of the peril his wife has put herself into. And so begins Williams’ look at a couple who apparently want different things out of life...although told from quite a dark angle.

While some readers might find the idea of a backwoods puppy mill (and the reason for Erika going there) a bit much to take seriously, FAMILY BUSINESS is written IS a serious horror story. Fans of the extreme stuff will enjoy some of the brutality on display here (although if you’re a dog lover like me you’ll probably have a rough time with a few scenes) and William’s packs enough surprises to keep the pages flipping. The biggest surprise here was the author’s ability to take two highly unlikable characters (Erika’s a real bitch and Steve’s the epitome of a douche bag) and make the reader care for them; not an easy thing to do.

Despite a few sections where the point of view seemed to be all over the place (another edit could have helped this one tremendously), FAMILY BUSINESS—while not the most original novel—is a fine genre read that "backwoods" fans should get a real kick out of.

Get DON (and many other titles) for under 3 Bucks!

Coscom Entertainment, publishers of my debut novel, DON OF THE DEAD, are having a MEGA-sale on their kindle titles. If you're an e-reader and have been wanting to check out my novel, now's the perfect time. Check out some of their other sales at this link, too:

http://coscomentertainment.blogspot.com/2010/07/zombie-werewolf-vampire-mashup-and.html

Anarchy in the UK

In the bottomless pit of zombie films, this one is a big step above the rest. Despite its Blair Witch/Cannibal Holocaust hand-held filming/documentary style, it held my interest. By keeping the story centered around the survivors, we actually care for them instead of wishing them to be zombie food. More zombie films should take a lesson here that the FX should be second to the story (and as a bonus the FX are quite well done).

While I can't agree that this is "The Best Zombie Film Ever" (according to The Dark Side magazine), it's an engaging one that's worthy of any zombie fan's time.

Kill or be Killed

THE KILLING KIND by Bryan Smith (2010 Leisure Books / 321 pp. / mmp)

For those who thought Smith's last offering (DEPRAVED) was intense, wait till you get about a quarter of the way through his latest extreme horror tale. THE KILLING KIND is basically an ultra violent road story told in a nihilistic glee that at times had me doubting the author's sanity.

Some poor guy named Rob is car-jacked by a gorgeous goth-looking girl named Roxie. With a gun aimed at his head, she basically tells him he's going to help her follow a van full idiots who had the audacity to look at her the wrong way. She manages to find out they're all heading down to Myrtle Beach, and along the way Roxie bends Rob to her will. She forces him to watch her torture and murder unlucky bystanders, and she even manages to fall in love with him. Despite the monster that Roxie is, Rob can't help but become her slave, especially when she starts having sex with him. For most of the novel he's torn between the girl he knows he'll never see again back home, and thrown into a mental struggle as he tries to accept the grim thrill ride he's been forced onto.

Smith's scenes of the future victims partying and having sex down at the beach house are basically sophomoric teen fantasies that do little to make us care about them. I was actually glad when a couple of these nipple-heads faced the wrath of Roxie's oversized hunting knife. But despite this flaw, our main antagonist is such a demented, evil character the reader will only want to see what else she has up her sleeve, anyway.

With a couple of small twists here and there, THE KILLING KIND is a savage b-movie of a story that will easily please the author's growing legion of fans. It's not his best novel, but easily his most disturbing.

Halfway There...Still No Clue Where it's Headed

The 3rd installment of Vertigo's 5-issue IZOMBIE series, while satisfying, still leaves little clues as to where it's all headed.

For those new to this inventive tale, Gwen is a zombie who must eat a human brain once a month. If she fails to, she loses her memory...but there's another catch. The brains she consumes fill her own mind with the memories of (said) dead person. Gwen and her friends are getting slightly closer to solving the mystery of "Dead Fred" (the owner of the brain she most recently consumed), and this time we're introduced more properly to Spot, a "Were-terrier" only hinted at in the first 2 issues who here should gain a legion of fans (spin-off, anyone?)

IZOMBIE is a fun, guilty pleasure that I hope pays off in the end. Michael Allred's beautiful retro-looking artwork gives the whole project a funky feel (especially the renderings of Gwen's 60s-looking ghost friend and a sexy vampire babe).

There's even a "love at first site" thing between Gwen and a vampire hunter that doesn't get sappy. Issue 4, where art though?...

A Thought on John Waters' PINK FLAMINGOS

A few weeks ago, when I learned John Waters' sleazeball classic PINK FLAMINGOS was going to do a couple of midnight screenings at the Landmark Sunshine Theater in NYC, I became quite excited. It seems the past year or so, there's been a lot of retro midnight movies being shown in my city, and I've been happy to see quite a few that I've always wanted to see on the big screen since I was a kid (most notably were Jodorowsky's EL TOPO and THE HOLY MOUNTAIN). And while I've seen FLAMINGOS several times on VHS (still haven't seen the DVD for some reason), there's simply nothing like seeing this film in a theater with screaming, laughing, line-quoting fans (not to mention plenty of newbies who were audibly in shock for most of its running time).

One thing struck me during this screening: most of Water's cast (not to mention Waters himself) were hippies. Whacked-out hippies, for sure, but hippies nonetheless. I remembered a quote Ozzy Osbourne had said during a recent interview, when asked why Black Sabbath's music was so dark, despite being released toward the end of the 60s. Ozzy said, "We were so sick and tired of all the peace and love stuff coming out of Woodstock. When we came to America, we just wanted to scare people."

So, while Sabbath may have looked like burned-out hippies, they sounded nothing like the music of that era, and their lyrics were the farthest thing from peace and love you could get.

John Water's and his band of demented hippies were the cinematic equal of Sabbath's musical rage. Here were a bunch of former flower children starring in a twisted film about who would be crowned the title of FILTHIEST PEOPLE ALIVE. Here were hippies forcing women to have sex with chickens, cannibalising cops, mailing people turds, selling babies on the black market, practicing of incest, murder, narcissism, indecent exposure, theft, parental abuse, and just about any other anti-peace and love message that came out of the flower child age.

It just may be that PINK FLAMINGOS single-handedly (well, with some help from the aforementioned British super group) managed to destroy the hippie generation and help pave the way for punk rock, midnight movies, and the general downfall of American morals and stability.

So, why did I laugh so hard last night at this film...a film which I had already seen several times? Because despite its sickness, despite its zero-budget, and despite the absurdity of it all, PINK FLAMINGOS does something that way too many movies (regardless of budget or cast) fail to do. It entertains.

And after all, isn't that the main reason we go to the movies in the first place?

John Waters was (and still is) a truly groundbreaking filmmaker, and one of the funniest. If you ever get the chance to see this on the big screen, make sure to do so.


(Mink Stole as the unforgettable CONNIE MARBLE)

(Divine and part of her hippie birthday party dining on the local law enforcement in a scene reminiscent of NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD).

Pic Keeps Kickin'

THE LAST DEEP BREATH by Tom Piccirilli (2010 Tasmaniac Publications / 124 pp. / tp)

Ellie shows up at the apartment of her brother Grey with a knife sticking from her side. Grey gets his friend T.S. to fix her up, then she vanishes without a trace. Grey then learns that his (foster) sister had become a porn actress trying to make it in small-time regular films and TV shows when she became a full-blown heroin addict. He then heads out to LA (then back to NY) in a quest to find out what happened to her.

Piccirilli's latest crime-thriller features all the sleazy scenarios and characters readers have come to expect, and this being a 100-paged novella leaves no room for anything other than pure, straight-ahead action. If you've never read one of Pic's crime novels, this shorter tale is a great place to sample the bullet-flying, nose-breaking goodness.

As a bonus, Pic's amazing short BETWEEN THE DARK AND THE DAYLIGHT is included as a second feature (this was the one published in Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine, and if you missed it you have a second chance to make good). With a beautiful introduction by Patrick Lussier and some great, moody artwork from Daniele Serra, this limited edition (180 trades and 26 lettered hard covers) will quickly be a sought-after, sold-out item (if it isn't already).