The POPE OF TRASH returns!

ROLE MODELS by John Waters (2010 Farrar, Straus and Giroux / 304 pp. / hc)

Like his classic memoirs SHOCK VALUE and CRACKPOT, John Waters's ROLE MODELS is another collection of essays from the undisputed "Pope of Trash," and I actually found much of this one a bit funnier than his previous offerings.

The opening chapter dealing with Waters's fascination with singer Johnny Mathis is as heart-felt as it is hilarious, while his brief tribute to Tennessee Williams is unusually serious for the exploitation pioneer.

His section dealing with former Manson cult member Leslie Van Houten--while a tad lengthy--is quite amazing. Over the years they've become very good friends and he has visited her in prison countless times. He paints a convincing picture that she's now beyond remorseful over the crimes she committed under the brainwashing of America's most notorious cult leader, yet he himself understands she'll (probably) never make parole. Not the funniest section of the book, but the most memorable.

As someone who could care less about fashion, I was surprised how entertaining the chapter on designer Rei Kawakubo was. Waters can truly make you laugh at just about anything, and his love for absurd fashion designers proves it.

The section titled 'Baltimore Heroes' features memories of the countless nutjobs Waters grew up around, and in keeping with his true sleaze-film reputation, gives props to these weirdos who somehow managed to shape his life.

I knew (from pictures) about the amazing library John Waters has. According to the chapter titled 'Bookworm,' he currently owns 8,425 books, "all categorized but no longer in complete order on my shelves." He goes on to recommend his top five favorites in graphic detail (I ordered two of them before I finished the chapter). If you're a book lover, this chapter alone is worth the price of ROLE MODELS. And how he managed to condense all those titles down to five is mind-boggling.

in 'Little Richard, Happy at Last,' Waters recalls a 1987 interview he did for Playboy magazine with the iconic rock-n-roll star. Their meeting was a real riot, and Richards' actions immediately following the interview had me in stitches.

I thought by now (having seen all his early sleaze-movies multiple times and having read all his books) I'd no longer be able to be disturbed by Waters. WRONG! 'Outsider Porn' chronicles his love of an underground film and picture world I didn't know existed (and now reading about, prefered that I didn't). Yet Waters makes even this, arguably the "ickiest" of his obssessions, interesting, written in his trademark sophomoric, nihilistic glee.

The final two chapters were a bit of a let down for me. 'Roomates' deals with Waters's fascination with modern and avante garde art (in particular the pieces he has scattered around his various homes), and unlike the chapters that preceeded it, I lost interest. While the last section, 'Cult Leader,' is quite funny, I found parts of it depressing, although I'm guessing many of his fans will not.

ROLE MODELS is a satisfying read if you're a Waters fan. I thought I knew all there was to know about one of my favorite directors but MAN was I wrong. Newcomers may be a bit lost at times (its apparent this was written FOR his fans as there's many nods to his body of work), but there's still some laughs to be had if you're a newcomer.

New Column up @ CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT

This time I dredge up a real turkey from the "Golden Age" of slasher films . . . enjoy!

http://cinemaknifefight.wordpress.com/2010/05/27/suburban-grindhouse-memories-funeral-home/

Mourning the Morning

MORNING IS DEAD by Andersen Prunty (2010 Grindhouse Press / 142 pp. / tp)

I'll never forget one of the first reviews I read for the David Lynch film, ERASERHEAD. The reviewer had said it was "The closest anyone has come to capturing a dream on film." Now with countless viewings under my belt, I fully agree.

While a bit easier to piece together than Lynch's film, Prunty's latest novella has the feel of one of those dreams we all have where insane things begin to come into our lives and we can do very little to change them. In MORNING IS DEAD's case, a man named Alvin has his home and wife taken away. To make matters worse, there's a quasi-clone of himself now living with his wife, his home is being rigged for detonation by a strange group of gas-mask wearing men, and when Alvin finds himself behind bars (in a police station that seems more like a gang hang out than a law establishment), he learns that he's also been denied daytime itself; somehow he has become a citizen of the night. And in Prunty's night world, Alvin encounters all kinds of strange characters and situations in his attempt to get back to dawn.

MORNING IS DEAD works on several levels, one being its lightning-fast pace; Prunty manages to throw the weird at his readers without causing too much head-scratching and without slowing down the page flipping. His characters (from the questionable heroics of Archer and Ben, to the "abortion sluts" such as May, to the radiation-filled Raders) are well done and quite memorable. And like a true nightmare, this night-time world has danger at every corner, yet it doesn't stop those trapped within it from wandering around, trying to find a way back to the morning.

This first offering from Grindhouse Press is a great little read from an author who continues to pave paths for "normal" readers to thirst for something more bizarre.

CREEPY no. 3

DARK HORSE COMICS' latest incarnation of Warren's classic illustrated horror magazine has been a pretty good ride so far.

The recently-released third issue begins with the start of a 2-part story dealing with Hitler (and the cover art hints at where it's headed). Second tale PELTED has the feel of a classic EC comic, and the third (and final) chapter of THE CURSE turned out to be quite...err...creepy.

MAQUILADORA (written by Cody Goodfellow and featuring great artwork by Kevin Ferrera) gives a fine spin on out-sourced labor, and final tale ("a Creepy classic"), DISINTEGRATOR, is a fine horror/scifi hybrid pulled from one of the old Warren editions.

While I'm enjoying this new comic book-sized CREEPY, most of the stories still have that 60s/early 70s mentality that I wish they'd update. But otherwise, this is a fine offering for those who yearn for horror in comic form.

Another Goodie from Dark Arts Books

WHEN THE NIGHT COMES DOWN edited by Bill Breedlove (2010 Dark Arts Books / 272 pp. / tp)

Joseph D'Lacey, Bev Vincent, Robert E. Weinberg and Nate Kenyon deliver these 'Sixteen Tales of Darkness Descending' in Dark Arts Book's latest 4-person anthology. As with most collections, the stories are hit or miss, although this time they're mostly hit.

D'Lacey's opening story, 'The Unwrapping of Alastair Perry' sets the bar quite high for things to come, and ended up being one of my favorites of the book. I've been reading D'Lacey's stories for a while now in various UK magazines, and his five offerings here are quite impressive, especially 'The Quiet Ones,' a horror tale as spooky as it is thought-provoking.

After a decent werewolf story, Bev Vincent brings the goods with 'Knock 'Em Dead' (an eerie look at an author's book signings) and 'Something in Store' (my fave of his lot, dealing with a supernatural bookstore). I read so much of Vincent's non-fiction that I forgot how good his fiction is. This is a fine primer if you haven't had the pleasure.

Robert E. Weinberg's 'Elevator Girls' tells the story of Brian Cassidy, a horror writer who first encounters one of the title characters at a fantasy convention, then shortly after meeting one of his writing idols, becomes one of the biggest authors in the genre. This turned out to be my favorite of this anthology, being filled with rich subtext and symbolism. Weinberg's second tale, 'The One Answer that Really Matters' is a great build up that (sadly) goes nowhere, and his brief 'Maze'--while well done--seems like it was ripped from something of a more epic proportion. 'Elevator Girls' more than makes up for both of them.

While he's been getting a lot of critical acclaim the past few years, this was the first time I've read anything from Nate Kenyon, and it's easy to see what all the fuss is about. 'Breeding the Demons' is a nifty old-school horror story complete with one killer monster, while 'Gravedigger' will make you want to stay away from cocaine (and zombies!) even more than you (hopefully) do now; fans of the extreme stuff will surely dig this one. His second two stories (one about a violin with a life of its own and the other a gruesome detective/creature yarn) are both satisfying reads that bring the old EC comics to mind.

With their 6th anthology, Dark Arts Books continues to be a fine place to discover new talent and enjoy some veterans. WHEN THE NIGHT COMES DOWN, despite a couple of so-so entries, doesn't disappoint.

My Own Private EQUINOX

One of the best things about being a film fan in 1975 (even if you were only 7 years old at the time) was having access to a film projector. My family had a nifty ‘Super 8’ projector that we’d lug out every once in a while to watch footage my parents shot on vacation. Then one fateful day while walking through GRANTS (a pre-K-Mart type of store) my brother and I spotted a case containing a bunch of cartoons and other flicks in the Super 8 format. We begged; we cried; we eventually conned our mother to buy us a couple of these little 3-minute films. One was a Mighty Mouse cartoon, the other, a stop-motion monster movie called EQUINOX (the top pic here is the original theater poster as well as the artwork from the Super 8 box). I think I watched this super-condensed version about 1,000 times until my friend’s projector ate it sometime during junior high school.

FLASH to the mid 1980s: In the middle of my VHS-renting craze, I spot an oversized box at the rental store for a film called THE BEAST. It had one of the creatures from EQUINOX on the cover, so I rented it. It turned out to be EQUINOX under a lame title, but it was good enough for me to finally see the full-length version I’d been wondering about since my youth.

(Cover for mid-80s VHS release from USA Home Video)

FLASH to 2006: The swanky Criterion Collection actually releases a 2-disc collector’s edition of EQUINOX packed with extras.

FLASH to 2010: I finally manage to obtain an affordable copy, and have just geeked-out over what is probably one of the greatest DVDs of all time (that is, if you remember this film from your youth or are just a fan of stop-motion monster effects).

For those who don’t know, the plot of EQUINOX may sound a bit familiar: 4 college students go to the woods to meet their college professor who requested to see one of them after making a strange discovery. Before you can say “WOW! WHAT’S A GIGANTIC GREEN SQUID DOING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WOODS?” our protagonists (including Frank Bonner, i.e. Herb from WKRP IN CINCINATTI in his very first role) do battle with all kind of neat creatures after finding an ancient, demonic book. In fact, to say EVIL DEAD was inspired by this is an understatement: there’s even a scene of the mysterious book whirling through the abyss, a sequence deliberately ripped-off in Sam Raimi’s splatter classic. There’s even material that was ripped off for EVIL DEAD 2 if you look hard enough!

(Cover for the 2007 Criterion Collection DVD)

The film has a lot of yakking, but it’s so much fun spotting all the continuity mistakes you’ll have a blast with the non-monster scenes. And after watching the amazing bonus materials on this Criterion DVD, I have a whole new love for the film (an introduction by FAMOUS MONSTERS editor Forrest J. Ackerman is worth the price of the disc alone, plus there’s interviews with stars Frank Bonner, Barbara Hewitt, and several commentary tracks from the director and FX “crew.” A sweet collectors booklet features tributes from George Lucas (EQUINOX’s FX man, Dennis Muren, went on to work on STAR WARS) and legendary monster-making maestro Ray Harryhausen.

But the best feature is the film itself; a nearly flawless transfer of EQUINOX (the 1970 theatrical release) as well as its 15-minute shorter, pre-released 1967 version, THE EQUINOX: A JOURNEY INTO THE SUPERNATURAL.

(The too-cool devil-bat creature from EQUINOX's finale)

Okay…I’m off to dig into these deleted scenes and outtakes…

Blood makes it SALTIER!

EMPIRE OF SALT by Weston Ochse (2009 Abaddon Books / 310 pp. / tp)

After falling on hard times, the Oliver family drives cross country from Philadelphia to California to relocate at Bombay Beach, a former resort community on the edge of the Salton Sea that now looks more like a desert wasteland. The oliver kids befriend an ex-gang banger who shows them around. One night they witness a bus load of military soldiers about to enter a private section of their community when green-skinned creatures rise from the sea and attack; only one soldier escapes (Metzger, a former drug addict) and befriends our protagonists who then go on to find out what's happening. The town is full of some interesting characters, including a woman pastor who used to head a nudist church (!) and a loner nick-named the Mad Scientist who eventually sheds some light on what's going on.

Ochse employs a nifty idea for his zombies: they've been spawned by a failed top-secret project to create a race of astronauts who don't need to breathe to survive. The government (then when funds were cut, the military) began training this elite group under the Salton Sea until things got out of hand (even Ronald Reagan is given part of the blame here!).

Since the zombies only number in the hundreds--and because they're man-made--EMPIRE OF SALT doesn't fall into the tired post-apocalyptic category, and by keeping the creatures in a small area, there's plenty of claustophobic scares that go down within the local trailer park as well as several suspense-filled aquatic scenes.

With its underlying message of doing what's right in the face of unusually difficult circumstances, EMPIRE OF SALT manages to keep a positive message even in-between the countless chunk-blowing head shots and disembowelments. If you're a zombie fan, you're in for a good time.

Let's Get ready to Rumble!

ZOMBIE FIGHT NIGHT: BATTLES OF THE DEAD by A.P. Fuchs (2010 Coscom Entertainment / 100 pp. / tp and e-editions)

Love 'em or hate 'em, every guy (at one time or another) has enjoyed an action flick, be it Stallone rescuing M.I.A.'s, Van Damme kick boxing his way to glory, or Seagal cleaning his 'hood of criminal scum. Fuchs's latest novella is inspired by these testosterone-fueled classics, only he has added plenty of monsters, a little scifi and some fantasy into the mix.

In 2037 AD, 10 years after a chemical spill in the the middle east caused the dead to rise, a slick entrepreneur named Sterpanko has found a way to capitalize on the situation: he has created The Blood Bay Arena, where fighters of all kinds (be they human or monster) come to do battle with fast zombies (Sprinters) and/or slow zombies (Shamblers). A space-time continuum theory is given to explain why all kinds of creatures now exist to battle the undead, but despite this slight fantasy element of the story, you'll be drawn in by the plight of gambling addict Mick to care all too much . . . especially when the fights get underway.

Mick owes Sterpanko over $800,000. Sterpanko grants him one last shot to pay him back: by betting on a series of fights without messing up. With possible spies sitting around him, Mick begins to bet on some of the wildest fights I've read in quite some time: Vampires, werewolves, bigfoot, a 7-foot robot . . . even Bruce Lee and Fuchs's own superhero Axiom Man make appearances in the Arena, battling zombies in action-packed and gore-filled bouts.

Things get a bit hairy when Mick sees his wife with Sterpanko and begins to wonder if everone's out to get him.

ZOMBIE FIGHT NIGHT, with its short and quick-paced chapters, is a lot of fun and provides countless cheap thrills. While much of it reads like a novelization of a Mortal Combat game, I'm betting anyone who has secretly cheered through a late night action or zombie film will leave this read with a satisfied grin.

A Fun, Nihilistic Ride

I gave this four stars for the humor level: there are several scenes that had me in stitches. I'd rate the story two and a half stars, only because the "everyone's after the money" thing has been done so many times before.

Regardless, FLORIDA ROADKILL delivers on the humor, and there's PLENTY of it. Serge and Coleman may be criminal scum-of-the-earth, yet they're so funny when they're not killing hookers with bottles of Fix-A-Flat you can't help but cheer them on. Like a good episode of SEINFELD, the quirky situations come fast and frequently, and there's lots of hysterical characters, my favorites here being three wanna-be bikers who end up starting their own gang comprised of senior citizens.

I'm also still laughing over a scene where a death metal singer is run over and killed by a bus-load of men heading to a Promise Keepers rally. Priceless!

This was only the second Dorsey novel I've read (the first was his latest, GATOR A-GO-GO), so I'm playing catch-up and (so far) really enjoying the nihilistic ride.

(Probably) the best of the new 3

MUCH better than DIARY OF THE DEAD, but some really silly dialogue adds a bit too much unintentional humor. There's some inventive zombie kills and a decent story, and it was nice to see a character from DIARY carried over to SURVIVAL.

Romero really needs to have a talk with whoever named the two feuding families (each time O'Flynn or Muldoon was mentioned the crowd went into hysterics) and a soap-opera-ish "twin sister" sub-plot didn't enhance the realism.

Despite its flaws, the film is enjoyable enough and should please most Romero fans.

Check out my latest film column @ CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT

After a recent theatrical screening (and 3 DVD viewings), I did my best to shed some light on this amazing, under-seen gem. I have a feeling I'll have a whole other article about a year from now...

http://cinemaknifefight.wordpress.com/2010/05/13/suburban-grindhouse-memories-ganja-hess/

This Ain't Your Daddy's Conga Line!

If there's one thing I can't stand as a horror film fan of over 35 years, it's false advertising. Hence, when something with a wickedly sick trailer and nearly-instant "must see" status is given to a film that seemingly came out of nowhere, I approach with intense skepticism.

Despite a bit of a silly (and typical) start, once our stranded American tourists land in the house of a demented German surgeon, THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE instantly becomes (almost) too grim for words...no easy feat considering the build-up the film has received in horror circles and the fact the majority of the violence is not shown. This is basically an extreme combo of FRANKENSTEIN and SALO, THE 120 DAYS OF SODOM; and most suprising of all for such an odd film, it's very well made.

Dr. Hieter (played by Dieter Laser) is an incredibly unnerving psycho, sounding more merciless than Hitler's right hand man. Kudos to our human centipede actors (two American females and an oriental male) who you can tell must've had quite a difficult physical time doing this (I'd love to know how the producers conned them into this!).

THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE isn't a pleasant film and without question isn't for every horror fan. I'm not sure how many viewers will get that the early joking around (courtesy of a perverted old German guy) was just a set-up before the bottom drops out; it might even tick some off. For me the film worked primarily for the genuine sense of despair and hoplessness that's felt right up until the final frame (the ending is so bleak, I'd love to know what angle the second film will come from---imdb.com has it listed for a 2011 release). This is no masterpiece, but its unlike any horror film you're likely to see at any multiplex anytime soon, AND it actually lives up to its hype; for that alone it's worth a viewing.

Factory! Factory! It's Burning! It's Burning! *

THOUGHT FORMS by Jeffrey Thomas (2009 Dark Regions Press / 268 pp. / tp)

Thomas' latest is like reading two separate novels. Cousins Ray and Paul (both factory workers) are affected by an event that happened when Ray was a child; the murder of his parents. Now older, Ray moves back into the home where they were killed and begins to see Satanic-looking robed people sneaking around his property while his sleep is continually haunted by eerie (and realistic) nightmares.

Meanwhile, Paul works the graveyard shift in a factory that makes plastics. One night most of the staff seemingly vanishes and he's left with a few co-workers who discover an amber glue-like substance has sealed all the windows and doors. Not able to break through, the small crew is then hunted by a supernatural creature that has the face of a young child and a creepy, elongated body with strength that defies its innocent face. And its THIS section of THOUGHT FORMS that provides the thrills. While Ray's story is okay, I thought there was a bit too much time spent on the relationship between him and a would-be mate named Heidi that becomes a bit frustrating (almost an entire [lengthy] chapter is devoted to a sex scene between them).

Thomas (the author of several well-received novels) says this one was resurrected from a manuscript he wrote in the 1980s, but for an early effort he does a decent job of bringing a horrific situation to a blue-collar scenario (and much of the 80s references [such as Atari and Culture Club] are pretty funny; maybe this should have been advertised as a period piece?).
Fan of the author will surely want to check this early-work out. Those not familiar with Thomas will easily see a work that reeks of forthcoming talent.

(*--this column's title taken from lyrics from an 80s 7" by the Italian hardcore band RAW POWER!).

My 3rd column up at CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT

How I remember this stuff is beyond me.

http://cinemaknifefight.wordpress.com/2010/04/29/suburban-grindhouse-memories-presents-zombie-island-massacre/