Puke-inducing Fun

DINNER BELL FOR THE DREAM WORMS by Jason Wuchenich (2010 LegumeMan Books / 96 pp. / tp)

First-time author Jason Wuchenich delivers 2 offbeat tales, one that would probably rank in the top 5 at the next World Horror Convention "gross-out" contest.

'Stinky Incubus' is a modern-day fairy tale about a love-struck demon (named Lemmy) attempting to stay in the flesh...but in order to do so, he must consume mass amounts of excrement, and the length and quality of his farts determine how long until he's sucked back into spirit form. It's disgusting and sophomoric, yet oddly charming.

I enjoyed the second offering, 'Skank Clusters: For Sale!' much better; it's a semi-apocalyptic story of the world gone nuts from eating Skank Clusters (which are described briefly, allowing your mind to fill in the icky blanks) and two unusual friends, Tuggy and Raster, who come up with a way to stop the madness. While there's a high humor level, it features a dark and depressing ending that--in a way--I found funny a few hours after I read it. (Add a plus here for mentioning Goldschlager on page 63!).

Wuchenich is off to a decent start on the bizarro road, and I'm interested to see if his style works in his forthcoming debut novel.

mini-Blast from the Past

THE FEMINISTS by Parley J. Cooper (1971 Pinnacle / 188 pp. / mmp)

After seeing the cover and synopsis for this lost scifi pulper on some website, I managed to track a copy down for under two bucks (let's hear it for the Internet).

Picture, if you will, a combination of ILSA: SHE WOLF OF THE SS, ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK, IN LIKE FLINT, and INGLORIOUS BASTERDS and you'll pretty much have a perfect picture of THE FEMINISTS, a novel that (probably) gave even Archie Bunker nightmares. I also discovered (in a fruitless attempt to contact the author, whose last published work is listed in 1987) this was one of several feminist-themed scifi novels released in the early 70s.

In the near-future of 1971 (1992, to be exact!), the world is controlled by women, and men are expected to be subservient and are even put to death if they have sex without permission. After performing an unsanctioned horizontal mombo with a female co-worker, protagonist Keith Montalvo escapes from the system and joins a band of underground rebels bent on overthrowing the system. With the help of a few inside-spies, they manage to plot a dual-assassination of both NY's female mayor and the female President of the United States (I couldn't help but wonder if Quentin Tarantino blatantly robbed this novel's second half for his version of INGLORIOUS BASTERDS, which features a nearly-identical finale). There's action-a-plenty, some (obviously) dated social commentary, and I don't know how well the rebels would be received were this novel to be released today (they're basically terrorists, bent on bombing the Feminist Regime out of power, regardless of civilian casualties).

While the writing is so-so, the story is pure "cult-film" fun (regardless of the semi-cornball ending). Cooper uses male AND female rebels, I'm assuming in an attempt to not have ticked off too many real feminists at the time of publication. If you're a fan of 70s pulp, you'll blow through it in 2 or 3 hours. There's some cheap copies available on amazon.

New Film Column

I'm thrilled to announce that beginning on April 1st, my new film column, SUBURBAN GRINDHOUSE MEMORIES, will appear every-other Thursday over at CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT. I haven't done a steady film column since 1991, so am looking forward to this. Here's my "official" pic for the column, as well as an introduction on the site: http://cinemaknifefight.wordpress.com/2010/03/26/introducing-suburban-grindhouse-memories-by-nick-cato-2/

See ya'll then.

A Decent Debut

SLIGHTS by Kaaron Warren (2009 Angry Robot / 502 pp. / mmp)

After a car accident (which leaves her mother dead), Stephanie has an unusual near-death experience. There's no tunnel, no lights, nothing that's been heard of before. Stevie (the name she's referred to more often throughout the story) finds herself in a small dark room, surrounded by people she has slighted throughout her life...people who apparently want revenge, and as they begin to scratch and poke her, she comes back to the land of the living. But despite the creepiness of the place, Stevie finds herself longing to return, wondering what this strange afterlife is all about. Hence, in order to investigate, Stevie commites suicide on numerous occassions, each time finding out a bit more about the dark room and its inhabitants . . . and each time (save for the ending) she's brought back to life either by luck or from someone finding her hanged or overdosed or wrist-slit just in the nick of time (and this aspect of the novel is quite difficult to swallow).

To make matters more interesting, Stevie also happens to be a serial killer (who eventually takes a job at a hospice center) who looks into the eyes of her victims and demands they tell her what they're seeing as they enter their own dark rooms. The manner and attitude in which Stevie murders is so matter-of-fact it acts as the novel's main chill factor, even among the author's depressing view of the afterlife.

While SLIGHTS features an amazing premise, is wonderfully written in a literary, memoir style, I found some of this a chore to get through. Warren spends a bit too much time establishing many scenarios, only to have the protagonist reveal that this is what she wished was the case, then we have to go through what has "really" happened. This works once or twice, but for as many times as it occurrs, the reader will be challenged to stay focused. Much of the novel deals with mementos Stevie takes from her victims, which didn't add up to a whole lot by the ending.

I liked SLIGHTS even though I found stretches of it frustrating. The horror element is worth your time, Stevie's a truly different-type of serial killer, and much of Warren's prose is finely executed. But at the same time several stretches drag on and a few questions remain unanswered or have unsatisfying conclusions. This being Warren's debut novel (released in europe in 2009, set for U.S. release this June), I'm actually looking forward to what she comes up with next (there's a preview of it in this Angry Robot edition). Her style is already her own, and once tightened-up I'm betting she has a real gem or two waiting to come out.

After 16 Years . . . Henenlotter's Back

In many ways, cult-film icon Frank Henenlotter has finally outdone himself in his latest sickie, BAD BIOLOGY (2008, but finally released on DVD). I've always considered Henenlotter "The Poor-Man's Cronenberg," but this time I'm sure even Cronenberg will find something even he hadn't thought of within these hysterical (yet disturbing) 85 minutes.

Without wasting any time, Jennifer (in the film's opening line) tells us she was born with 7 clitorises. She tells us she's been on an unquenchable mission for sexual fulfillment since she was around 8 years-old, and that she doubts she's even human; not only are her (usually) fatal shag-sessions a major inconvienience, but so is her suped-up metabolism; each time she has sex, her body produces a "mutant" baby within 2 hours, which she's forced to leave behind. How she also manages to be a full-time erotic photographer during the day is anyone's guess . . . and it's on her latest shoot where she discovers Batz, a man with a problem similar to her own. It seems Batz' penis is unusually oversized and has a mind of its own (Batz explains to us how this came to be during one of the strangest self-love scenes ever filmed). Jennifer's convinced the two of them were born to be together, but things get a bit out of hand when Batz' Johnson decides to detach itself from his body and go on a night of floor-board-breaking, heavy-breathing, sex-attacking terror (I never knew this many attractive nude women lounged around their houses).

As with the director's classics BASKET CASE and BRAIN DAMAGE, BAD BIOLOGY again explores the mysteries and potentials of the human body, although this time there's a bit more humor thrown into the mix. There's the expected bad (but not TOO bad) acting, off-the-wall effects (one cunnilingus sequence triple-guarantees this one won't be seen uncut on cable television anytime soon), some gore and a cameo from Beverly Bonner that'll bring a smile to any Henenlotter fan. To make BIOLOGY stand out a bit from his past films, the soundtrack is mainly hip-hop, and for some reason I can't explain it actually works.

BAD BIOLOGY is a demented, twisted, long-overdue outing from Frank Henenlotter, and aside from an ending that could have been so much better (it's a bit too quick after all the build up, and quite similar to Basket Case's finale), I think most fans of offbeat horror will get a genuine kick out of this.

6th title coming from DARK ARTS BOOKS

John Everson's DARK ARTS BOOKS is set to release their 6th-multi author collection, and it looks like another winner.

Dark Arts Books (www.darkartsbooks.com) has just unveiled its sixth horror/dark fantasy anthology, WHEN THE NIGHT COMES DOWN. Following Dark Arts' trademark format of offering multiple stories from four authors to show the range and breadth of their work, this time around the dark scribes featured are Joseph D'Lacey, Bev Vincent, Robert E. Weinberg and Nate Kenyon.

Joseph D’Lacey, author of the critically acclaimed novel MEAT, writes in the vein of the Clive Barker of the 1980s in stories like “The Unwrapping of Alastair Perry” and "Introscopy."
Bev Vincent, already renowned for his non-fiction, especially his books about Stephen King, shows off some impressive range in his fiction — from hard-edged horror (”Silvery Moon”) to Bradbury-esque whimsical (”Something in Store”) to knowing humor (”Knock ‘em Dead”).
Horror and Dark Fantasy legend Robert E. Weinberg delivers perhaps the all-time greatest behind-the-scenes send-up of genre convention weekends with “Elevator Girls.”
And rising young gun Nate Kenyon, in gritty stories like “Gravedigger” and “The Buzz of A Thousand Wings,” showcases why he has earned all those raves for his novels The Reach and The Bone Factory.

There are shapeshifters and gravediggers, but also supernatural private detectives and — perhaps most terrifying of all — beautiful creatures that prey on… horror writers. Murder, death — and things worse than death — are all waiting for you When The Night Comes Down.
Dark Arts Books will hold an official launch party for the 16-story anthology at the World Horror Convention this week in Brighton, England.

For more information or to order a copy, visit www.darkartsbooks.com.

Hill'll Getcha Horny...

HORNS by Joe Hill (2010 William Morrow / 370 pp. / hc)

Ignatius Perrish ("Ig" or "Iggy"to his friends) wakes one morning to find two lumps growing from his forehead. It's been a year since his girlfriend Merrin was murdered, and most of the residents of the small town he grew up in are convinced he did it. Not knowing what to do, he goes to see his parents, despite the fact he knows they, too, will continue to reject him. The only one he can turn to is his now-famous brother, Terry, a TV star who's also recently back from L.A. But as Iggy's horns continue to grow, he also develops the ability to see into people's memories, which begins to change everything he thought he knew about his family, friends . . . and even life itself.

Most of Hill's second novel is told in flashbacks, from when Iggy first spotted Merrin during a Sunday church service, right up to contrasting versions of how she was murdered. As each piece of the puzzle is peeled away in the past, the time the reader spends in the present with Iggy, his brother, and Ig's friend/nemesis Lee Tourneau become all the more disturbing, horrific, and believable. Hill's minimal use of supernatural elements among real-day life makes this story work on a level that's slightly above standard genre fare, and should help the novel appeal to a wider audience.

Since his short story collection, 20th CENTURY GHOSTS and fantastic debut novel, HEART-SHAPED BOX, Joe Hill has quickly risen to the top of the horror fiction heap, and with HORNS, he's raised the bar (even for himself) quite high. (Warning: if you're a snake-a-phobe this isn't for you).

Are You Getting Enough STATIC?

BLACK STATIC (Issues 14 and 15)

The UK's Premiere Horror and Dark Fantasy Fiction Magazine comes out bi-monthly, but it takes about that long to get through each issue. Issue 14 (Dec09/Jan 10) kicks off with a real chiller by Paul Finch titled 'We, Who Live in the Woods,' while Maurice Broaddus' 'Hootchie Cootchie Man' is another fine example of why he's one author to keep your eye on. Gary McMahon and Christopher Fowler (as usual) deliver the goods, and Rosanne Rabinowitz' 'Survivor's Guilt' is one of the darker tales to be featured within these pages. All the usual departments are here, including the fantastic DVD and book reviews, and Fowler's always entertaining (and informative) 'Interference' column.

Issue 15 (Feb/Mar 10) features some overtime-work from contributor Peter Tennant: a great 5-page interview with author Alexandra Sokoloff (plus reviews of her two latest novels), and a review of Kaaron Warren's 'Slights' that caused me to order the novel from the UK (despite it being released in the U.S. this May). Tennant is easily one of the more reliable book reviewers working today. This issue's fiction features another winner from Black Static alumni Daniel Kaysem ('Babylon's Burning') and one that's sure to get under your skin, 'Maximum Darkness' by Alan Scott Laney. Black Static always opens with a lengthy tale, and James Cooper's 'Eight Small Men' works as a "mini-epic" of sorts, employing a semi-use of juxtaposition between events that took place in 1984 and 2009 (this one will whet your appetite for the author's latest short story collection, 'The Beautiful Red.'). Simon Kurt Unsworth's quietly disturbing 'Knitted Child' should creep-out any reader with children, while Sarah Singleton's 'Death by Water' features a unique take on a seance.

Seriously . . . if you're not reading Black Static you're missing some of the finest horror fiction out there. Visit ttapress.com for subscription info.

Christmas Ain't What it Used to Be...

Not bad---much better than the 1980 film of the same title (although this isn't a remake thank goodness).

2 families get together for a Christmas visit when their younger children begin to puke, then go nuts. It's never described what this "virus" is that's making them kill (and if it didn't say it was a virus on the back of the DVD cover, I'd still have no idea), but suffice it to say, the 2nd half of this is pretty good, and all the young actors did a great job. It was nice to see UK Soap star Hannah Tointon here as the teenage daughter dragged along for the ride; a couple of "creepy" moments with her uncle and you'll be glad he gets whacked first!

Don't watch the "Making of" extras first if you get the DVD. It'll kill it for you. For a much better (albeit campier) venture into killer-kid territory, locate a copy of Hugh B. Cave's 1980 novel, THE NEBULON HORROR.

The SLIME Returns...

After a dirty bomb rocks Manhattan (vaporizing Troma Films' CEO, Lloyd Kaufman), the city is evacuated. Those who don't want to join the new system are forced to scavenge for food and find shelter. Cory and Alexa (played by Kealan Patrick Burke and "Johnny Gruesome"-alumni Jennifer Bihl) find sanctuary in Slime City, a small, desolate community of survivor misfits where anything you may need is available...for a price. They (sort-of) befriend another couple (played by the wonderfully sleazy Lee Perkins and scream queen favorite Debbie Rochon) and together locate a stash of hooch and some unusually colorful Yogurt (that mysteriously has no expiration date). Shortly after consuming their newfound food, the foursome begin to get uncontrollable urges to kill and can't remember what they're doing . . . and when Alice (Rochon) gets sick in a bathub, turning into a (literal) puddle of orange ooze, chaos begins to hit the fan in Lamberson's long-awaited sequel to his 1988 gross-out cult classic, SLIME CITY.


If you're a fan of the original, you'll be happy to see (star) Robert Sabian back in action, this time as the head of a strange flesh-worshipping cult in flashback scenes from 1959 (along with his wife, played by horror author Sephera Giron), which gives some good backstory to SLIME CITY (1988). There's nods to fellow like-minded horror films, some social/political commentary, a few funny Troma-esque characters (John Renna is memorable as Slime City's self-appointed mayor), and of course plenty of off-the-wall gore/slime FX and situations, including another crowd-pleasing "brain" finale, only this time with the volume cranked to ten and a half.


SLIME CITY MASSACRE is a fun, old-school-styled horror flick, complete with a rockin' soundtrack, trashy locations, and a feel that'll leave you longing for the days of 80s midnight cult cinema. And you don't have to worry about checking your brain at the door before seeing it . . . the film will rip it out for you.
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(Members of the cast and crew after the 3/9/10 screening @ ANTHOLOGY FILM ARCHIVES, NYC).

Sit with the Guru

A DARK MATTER by Peter Straub (2010 Doubleday / 397 pp. / hc)

During the 60s, a group of friends become devoted followers of a college-campus guru named Spencer Mallon. Lee Traux's boyfriend (also named Lee) refuses to get involved. One night in 1966, Mallon brings the group to a meadow to perform an unusual occultic/enlightenment ritual that ends up severely changing the lives of everyone involved.

Modern day: Lee Harwell's a semi-famous author, attempting to understand what happened to his (now) wife and friends those many years ago. The bulk of Straub's MATTER deals with Lee and Don "Dilly" Olson (he, a survivor of the ritual) connecting with those who were there and trying to discover what actually occurred [while one review claimed this was the novel's downfall, I'm convinced this "reviewer" didn't even read half of Straub's intense, disturbing, and emotionally-charged character study.]

Hootie Bly, another survivor, has spent the majority of his life in a mental institution, speaking only in quotes from famous (and some not so famous) novels. When Lee and Don get to visit him, Hootie at long last opens up and begins to recount what happened, even using some of his own words. Amazed at this long-awaited progress, Hootie's doctor eventually allows him to move to another facility, close to Chicago where Harwell and his wife Lee ("Eel" to her friends) now reside.

In the fascinating (and lengthy) final discourse, the now-blind Lee "Eel" Truax finally (and for ONE time only) reveals what she experienced on that fateful night as her husband, Hootie, Don, and former thief (and fellow guru-survivor) Jason Boatman listen on. And it's here where Straub let's the surreal imagery fly off the handle, at times to the extent you'll be going back to savor the prose (and also) make sure you fully caught what was just revealed.

Straub's unique takes on the nature of evil and the role of demons are amusing without falling to the standard "Hollywood" treatment of the subjects. While the testimonies of the former cult members make the bulk of the story, at times the reader may wonder if Lee Harwell wasn't AS affected by that night in the meadow as his friends were (in one section, Harwell begins to doubt his wife's fidelity, leading him to a personal investigation that ends up stengthening their realtionship, hence adding to the power of the finale).

A DARK MATTER is a psychological horror story that disects faith and friendship, and looks at what may or may not be man's secret fears brought to as close of an understanding as these characters deem possible. As a fan of the author since reading GHOST STORY in 1980 (when I was 12 years old), I can say Straub's pen hasn't been this sharp since his 1999 epic, MR. X.

Don't miss this.

This ain't no ERAGON!

CHASING THE DRAGON by Nicholas Kaufman (2009 Chizine Publications / 133 pp. / small tp)

Hot on the heels of the creature that killed her parents, Georgia Quincey battles incredible odds to fulfill her destiny: her ancestors go back to St. George himself, he of the legendary dragon-slay myth (well, apparent reality). She becomes the first female to go after this ancient dragon in its evolved form (also forced to face gang bangers, zombies, and creepy motel managers) while dealing with her addiction to heroin. For such a quick read, DRAGON is quite layered.

Kaufman's short & sweet novella is chock-full of blood-splattered fun, lightning-fast action and arguably the coolest dragon I've seen in a horror story. You'll probably figure the ending out less than halfway through, but CHASING THE DRAGON is so well done it doesn't hurt the ride. Chizine's nifty, affordable, digest-sized novella is well worth your time.