Mr. Zombie: Please Get Your ASS Back on the Stage...

A few years ago, my brother-in-law made a statement that I disagreed with. He said that Rob Zombie was just a horror fan who "had too much money." I figured he felt this way out of jealousy (he being an aspiring filmmaker). But after watching HALLOWEEN 2 tonight, I'm FORCED to agree with him.

It's one thing to pay homage to something you love (as Zombie did with HOUSE OF 1,000 CORPSES, a professed "tribute" to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre that I truly enjoyed). It's another thing to literally STEAL scenes, camera angles and techniques right out of another movie, which happens so often in HALLOWEEN 2 I wanted to scream. And not only does Zombie openly pillage Tobe Hooper's classic, he apparently has been watching a lot of David Lynch films lately: there's plenty of surreal-sequences of Meyer's Mother and younger self coming back to him (and his sister) as ghosts in bizarre landscapes and shadows that I felt like I was watching deleted scenes from INLAND EMPIRE. His mother's otherwordly attitude is more like Jason Vorhees' mom than Meyer's mother of his first HALLOWEEN outing. If you're a hardcore fan of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, there's just NO WAY you can watch this without rolling your eyes on several occasions.

You know a horror film is missing something when the most enjoyable parts were two brief cameos by Weird Al Yankovich, who appears on a talk show with Dr. Loomis, and our three female protagonists dressing up like Rocky Horror characters at a Halloween party. I heard a few people say the same thing as we exited the theater...not a good sign at all.

Michael Meyers stabs people faster than the zombies ran in the DAWN OF THE DEAD remake, and he looks more like a towering skate punk (with his hoodie and beard) than the menacing masked madman of Zombie's first installment.

I think Rob Zombie's a very cool person and an amazing fan of the genre---but I truly wish he'd either try something original next time without ripping off (OOPS--I mean, paying "homage" to) the films he admires. Or better yet, hopefully he'll leave the directing to the professionals and get his sleazy ass back on the stage where it belongs (and not with another EDUCATED HORSES album, either!).

If you must see this, wait for the DVD.

Teenage Wasteland?

THE LUCID DREAMING by Lisa Morton (to be released 9/09 by Bad Moon Books / 88 pp. / tp)

Ashley (a.k.a. "Spike") is a paranoid schizophrenic at the California State Facility at Oxnard. After three months at the center, she begins to think she and her roomate have been abandoned, when, 3 days later, Nurse Conroy finally shows up and tells her to leave . . . then proceeds to slash her own arm with a scalpel. Not waiting to see what else she'll do, Ashley takes off. She notices everyone around the facility has seemingly gone beyond insane. She stocks up on Prolixin (the drug that binds her schizophrenic tendencies) and heads to her friend Tommy's house to try and find out what's going on.

Through old newspapers and sketchy Emergency Broadcast Announcements, she discovers a phenomenon known as 'The Dream Sickness' has spread across the globe, which has been causing people to stay in a dream-like state, everyone infected acting unpredictably, according to their dreams. Everyone, that is, except for those who happen to be taking Prolixin.

While I've read at least one story that used drugs in a similar manner before, this one stands on its own.

Morton's novella is a fresh take on the apocalyptic thing, complete with interesting social commentary, a cult of brainwashed rednecks, and much food for thought. And with a satisfyingly eerie conclusion, you can't go wrong with this LUCID DREAM.

Check out a sample from my debut novel...

...on Greg Lamberson's great horror site, FEARZONE. Enjoy...

http://www.fearzone.com/blog/novel-excerpt-don-of-the-dead-by-nick-cato

What a Basterd!

Despite it's running time (153 minutes), Quentin Tarantino's INGLORIOUS BASTERDS is a tension-filled blast of revisionist schlock. Unlike the tedious stretches of dialogue in DEATH PROOF, each sequence in BASTERDS keeps you glued to the screen. Most characters are very well drawn, especially Col. Hans Landa (played by Christopher Waltz, who deserves an Oscar nod). Brad Pitt's Tenessee-bred Lt. Aldo Raine provides a lot of patriotic "pumping up" and also a lot of laughs. The violence is slightly graphic at times, and during the film's 'cinema-finale,' it plays out like a cross between Pacino's SCARFACE and a Warner Brother's cartoon (as does the over-the-top portrayal of Hitler). And, of course, Tarantino manages to add another close up shot of a woman's foot (Diane Kruger's glitzy Bridget von Hammersmark), confirming--if there was ever a doubt--that the man must has a serious fetish! As for Eli Roth...his skull-bashing scene made his non-existent acting tolerable, but I'd still rather see him in front of the camera than behind it.

Easily Quentin's best film since PULP FICTION. Add a plus for super-legible subtitles when they were needed.

Fame, Fortune and Tongues...

SKY TONGUES by Gina Ranalli (2009 Eraserhead Press / 136 pp. / tp)

Sky Tongues (the name of a hermaphrodite born with tongues for fingers and toes) is basically a coming-of-age / rags-to-riches story told in an addictive autobiographical style. Ranalli masterfully hints at a future landscape and society (roughly 130 years from now), which is not too different from the present; rascism and prejudice still exist, along with the possibility of happiness and fortune.

Abused by her father, Sky is kicked out of the house and soon taken in by a carnival owner who gives her work. She is welcomed into this new family, but eventually leaves when given the chance to realize her dream of acting. She eventually gets a role on a cable program that becomes a huge hit and becomes a genuine star. She starts her own family with Rabia (a Mue with transparent skin) and before long the sleazebag family who rejected her attempt to ruin her life and once again make it a living hell.

SKY TONGUES is rich in social commentary and features some of the more beautiful things I've read in a bizarro story (in particular some unforgettable scenes where Sky watches and bonds with her son as he grows Rabia's transparent womb). There's also times when the heartbreak and struggle between some of the characters becomes so real you'll forget you're reading a Bizarro story . . . which makes the story all the more bizarre and once again shows why Ranalli is one of the best writers in this ever-growing field.

Cedar Hill Exposed...

FAR DARK FIELDS by Gary A. Braunbeck (2009 leisure Books / 323 pp. / mmp)

Geoff Conover, who survived a massive killing spree when he was an infant, returns to Cedar Hill after thirty years to try and find out why the gunman (his brother) spared his life. He meets with a modern spree killer, and then a few locals at a tavern called the Hangman and learns some of the town's history (Braunbeck fans will geek-out over the references to many of his older Cedar Hill tales). A local reverend eventually explains the mysteries of Cedar Hill to Geoff, and takes him on a journey to find the answer he came looking for...a journey that takes them underneath an abandoned church to the lair of a legendary creature known as "Hoopsticks." Claustrophobics, beware!

FAR DARK FIELDS features everything Braunbeck fans have come to expect; a strange mystery, family tragedies, strange creatures, and (this time) musings on why we see the things we see (and the things we don't); and best of all, Braunbeck's writing is as breath-taking as ever. Despite the author's semi-familiar elements, FIELDS is a fresh, gripping read that unravels at a chilling, heart-breaking pace.

The ending--while satisfying--easily leaves room for another Cedar Hill novel, something I doubt I'd ever get tired of.

The Dr. Scares 'em and Learns 'em!

VALLEY OF THE DEAD (2009 Cargo Cult Press / limited edition hc)

Despite talks (within the genre) of zombies being just about "as played out" as vampires, there seems to be a fresh take on them nearly every month . . . but few have been as interesting (or intelligent) as Kim Paffenroth's VALLEY OF THE DEAD, which takes its cue from visions seen in Dante's INFERNO and imagines what he went through during his 17-year exile from Italy (a timeline of his life is provided for us mere mortals!).

The author's prologue itself is worth the cover price (which is a bit steep, but collectors and zombie completists will want this at any cost) and dared me (and will dare any zombie fanatic) to keep reading long into the night.

Besides the uber-cool setup, Paffenroth's writing style here differs from his "Dying to Live" series, and the whole tone of the story seems (at times) like you're reading a lost account of a historical reality. The various characters he encounters (and befriends) along his journey seem quite real, and in their conversations (especially in Chapter 20) we learn nifty bits and pieces about Dante's past (hmmm---seems Dr. Kim set out not only to give his readers the willies, but 'learn 'em a bit, too).

While I truly enjoyed this, I'm not sure how many fans of the standard "shoot-'em-up/gut-munch" zombie tale will; but if you allow yourself to enter Paffenroth's speculative vision with no pre-conceptions, you might find it a hard place to want to leave.

Here's hoping this one eventually finds a wider release.